I wish I knew Mot better, but I don't. The few times we've been in the same place at the same time - he's been cordial enough. Listened to me when it was important, like the words of a woman held worth. He didn't seem cruel, like some of the other g…
Marigold, unlike Fleece and Krin don't remind me at all of Gloriana. She's young, about my age, and she talks like she's a lifer. So, her touch doesn't send me down the rabbit hole right away, but her hands - soft - do send tingles down my spine. It…
It's zaridann. Marigold has been sitting close to me for months now, but it's like touching more, makes me more aware. I try to tune out the buzzing of my skin, for favor of her voice.
Sleeping with Esco? We've had sex. Once. I have slept here, tw…
"It's about a little toy rabbit, bunnies and rabbits are the same thing, who wants to become real." The damp cloth on my head feels like a revelation, and I keep my eyes closed, avoiding Marigold stare. Maybe if I can't see her, I won't do or fe…
I think something nasty about Marigold and regret it immediately. She's sweet, she's always been sweet. Especially to me. I nod at her and lay back, giving her permission to use the cloth.
I really do feel rough.
"We can read it later, do you kn…
When I wake up 'Gold is looking cozy flipping through my copy of The Velveteen Rabbit, my only picture book. There are a few tears, but it's almost pristine. No idea how it made it's way down here looking so good, but it's one of my favorite things.…
When Esco scoots in next to me, I turn to huddle into his chest. My knees tucked under my chin and head tucked under his neck. He still feels warm, but wrong. I can feel my skin shake and like I might be close to crying.
But then I feel his hands …
OOC: Oh complicated question... Sierra wants to be held and told she isn't broken and that this can be fixed. That Glori can be purged from her life. Cameras, touch etc. and even if she can't that Sierra is still worth something. She'd love it if yo…
Tired, I let Esco help me up to his my room, but really it feels like a dance in the dark. My body swaying in the air for no more than a few seconds before I feel something harder than air, but soft and cold under me. I reach out, my eyes still clos…
We are moving, but it's hard to tell where we are going. I lean back against Esco, letting him lead me to the stairs... ohhh right... we are going to "lie down."
Esco is talking again. I squint trying to pay attention. Is he asking why I am drunk?…
"Hmmm..."
It's hard to pay a ton of attention to what Esco is saying when I feel his fingers thread through my hair and over my scalp. A sound like a purr revvs through my throat and I can feel it in my ears, making me giggle.
Esco is definitely …
Esco appears at my right side like magic and it's just groshing.
"Attlevey, Esco! Where have you been?"I turn my chair to face him, but the world goes sideways on me and I stumble off my stool and into something hard. Oh, it's Esco's chest. Ohhh h…
Oh, it's been at least four of these... these... sunshine things JD keeps serving me. But that was at last count and i stopped counting a while ago. JD wanted me to sing, but I told him that sad love songs will just make people leave. I don't got no…
The voices finally fade, and all I can hear is Fleece's soft alto. I still don't feel all the way real, but I do feel steadier. Feel less like a fool.
A part of me thinks about leaning forward, putting my lips to hers, in a soft kiss of thanks. It…
Her hands on my arms are steadying even if her touch doesn't feel 100 percent real. I try to get my breathing under control and steady the stream of not good enough. disappointing. failure. that is circling in my brain.
She mentions coming back, l…
The air feels cold and thin in my lungs as Fleece steps away. the space between us turning dark and chasmic. I try to shake it off, but my vision is still blurry and my skin tight and frail on my frame.
The idea of touching bodies, especially afte…
When she removes her hand from my cheek and clearly says 'No.' I stiffen with anxiety, but nod. I would usually try to explain, but her 'no' feels so final that I just let it hang between us. I bite my lip and look down. It's not her problem anyway,…
When the knock comes I still. Busy woman, lots of things to do. My mind supplies and I quiet naturally, waiting for her to acknowledge me again. Fleece's words still rattling inside of me - trying to find a place to grab hold.
I'm not a monster.
…
When her arms find their way around me, I feel myself give in and fall against her. She's soft and comforting and her touch is just so wonderful I whimper quietly in relief.
It's starkly different than Krin's touch - and worlds away from Esco's - …
My arms have made their way around my middle. I don't like thinking about this, about what I am. It scares me. It makes me feel... other.
I look up at Fleece, at her gentle beautiful face, and I desperately want her to hold me. To tell me it's ok,…
I look at her from the corner of my eye. "I'm not sure it's shite this time." Hands itching for the bottle, I look at her from the corner of my eye and see her looking at me with a 'doctor stare.'
Then it hits me, she could tell me why.
"Have you,…
I flinch. "Yeah, trick." I shudder, seeing for now maybe the 100th time the blood on the floor and the bodies drop. "Some people might call it that. Did you hear what happened to Ziggy's men when she came to Diamond?"
I don't look at her. I just tw…