Silica
She comes over and I snap at her at first, "I don't fuckin' make things difficult, Poppy, things are difficult."
But she goes on about Frontie, about that other shit. I calm down a little, answer her straight. But I got a hand on the door..…
Silica
I stand up from the table abruptly, slamming the heels of my hands on the table. I don't let her finish, "hell of a lot fuckin' better than it ever did with him!" I stare at her, anger and poorly concealed hurt on my face.
She's totally cr…
Silica
Why... why do I never feel like privacy is a good thing. Never.
She asks. The hell? It's hard not to be defensive, and I have to stop and remember to take a breath.
"Why should I fuckin' tell you?" I say, probably sounding harsher than I s…
Silica
I nod to her, "yeah... somethin' like that." A scrap.
I'll finish my meal, might be the last good one I get in a while... going to be tough times. Not too much rum, but enough to feel a little buzz will do me.
Not going to stick around to…
Silica
Hot in the sub, huh? I probably got my hoodie off, just my t-shirt and jeans... I don't even have shorts to change into. I don't bring it up.
Poppy remains pretty much the closest thing I have to a positive older female in my life. We don't…
Silica
I walk as she talks, just ahead of her, eventually I stop to listen, then turn only after she apologizes. I let her finish before I answer.
"Kaykay," I begin, raising a hand, "look I don't... I don't really do the whole friends thing..." my…
Silica
Why the fuck would I want to slide?
I sigh loudly, almost stop and say something, but truth is I ain't got shit to trade for food right now, let her fuckin' treat me.
"Sure, sure ok..." I say without a lot of thought. She wants to set me u…
Silica
I shake my head, "pfft... it's just some old bullshit. Don't mean nothin' ok?" Sure it doesn't. It means a lot. But Kaykay ain't gonna help me, not any way I want.
I look at her for a second, a terrible thought going through my head. I blin…
Silica
Of course.
Yeah I look like shit. What else is new?
I answer her, "hey uh... yeah big fuckin' storm..." I gesture over my shoulder, "wind's brutal, Kaykay... should keep your head down."
I stand there a second, keeping my footing on the …
I'll get up and find someone... after a while. What, Hadden? I need work... I gotta live... I got nothing left, huh? At least I don't owe shit no more... anyone I had to fear is dead or gone thanks to Rossi... Not even that fucking bird left to foll…
Silica
Yeah he's not the worst thing that's happened to me, but he's the worst in a while and it fucking sucks.
I choke and cough as he throws me down to the ground, done with me. The taste of his filth in my mouth as I try not to throw up... he'…
Silica
They got me cold... trapped huh? I could try and fight, put them down or something but I'm outnumbered and it's not like I really trust my brain... never had to handle two fuckers. And you know what... they're right. I fucked up. I'll never …
Silica
I tense up as he nears. I hate this, men always use their size to get to me. What am I supposed to do? I weigh half what he does... fuck. Makes me mad... I clench a fist at my side and try to keep cool.
"Ok ok..." I lower my pack from my sh…
Silica
It's hard not to smile actually seeing the cuts on him. Guy's always on top of shit right? I picture one of these fuckin' girls he ruins takin' in out on his skin. Like I shoulda.
"I got proper work now... pay ya back solid... two, three we…
Silica
One hand raised and opened still, chill, girl... I speak loud enough for whoever to hear.
"Look Wild... what'cha wnat outta this? You know I ain't packin' big chips, I'm just gettin' by too, right? Got that shit boosted and almost got my as…
Silica
Cold daggers suddenly run through me. I walked right into this shit again. For a fucking bird? Ain't nobody around neither with the storm... fuck.
Out of habit I raise a hand, palm out... like I don't want no trouble. "Hey there ain't no sh…
Silica
Cold ain't that much of a problem but the wind fuckin' bites. Snow feels like razors on my skin... day like this I got my jeans on, hoodie down to my wrists... nobody out here I gotta impress, don't give a shit.
Honest work I guess, at lea…
Silica
Yeah things been good right?
Yeah fuck those assholes at the pet shop, they always treated me like shit so fuck 'em and their fucking ice. I cook my own now, make a batch every month or two. It ain't so hard once you know what's what...
…
Silica
This is fucking weird.
She washes my hands... maybe she just wants to touch me, I don't know. I don't like it, but I'm too tired to argue. I just lean back and let her do her thing. I need it, and it don't feel bad... just the closeness wei…
Silica
I look at her and answer without thinking, "you know we aint... we ain't like that." I close up his shirt, gently... leaving it a little open.
I lean down to look at his face, make sure he's sleepin' or whatever. Then exhausted, I slide off…
Silica
I almost laugh, ironically saying, "you really think I'm ok?" But I'm not really saying it for her. More for myself.
I break off the thread, almost done, and look around the room a second before I look at her, "we all gotta find a fuckin' p…
Silica
I almost tell her some shit about going home but really... none of my business? Is it? Haddie'll tell her. She'll listen to him right? I ain't gonna tell her too hard what to do with her fuckin' self... don't I hate it when someone gets up i…
Silica
Got the thread wrapped around one hand, needle gripped tight. My face tense in concentration as I do this. He's nodded off, which is great, I don't have to worry about him hurting and moving and making me stress and fuck up... it's better th…