Silica
"Fuck, no!" I cry out, rising the rest of the way to dash across the room to Hadden. I look at Rossi for a second, this look on my face... I think of Footie, how she was gone in an instant... a friend. Now Hadden? Now...
I hit the side of t…
Silica
As he goes to Hadden I half-rise, but then he flashes his scalpel to his neck and there's no hesitation, he can fuck me up all he fuckin' wants but he just crossed a fucking razor wire red line in my head.
"Drop the fuckin' blade and back …
Silica
He looks down at me, kicks me, I don't fuckin' care...
I don't fucking care. He's just another piece of shit asshole like the rest of 'em. The hell have I been so fucking afraid of all these years? I ain't a kid any more you fucker. Yeah h…
Silica
Yeah fuck him! I turn to swipe at him but he steps over me like he used to and I hesitate. The little scared girl inside me trembling. My face stings and the floor smells of decades of blood and cleanser.
I can't quite meet his eye. It stin…
Silica
A childish shriek of fear as he strikes me and I fall with the blow, spinning to one side and down on one knee.
But just as quickly I cry, "no fuckin' way you piece of shit!" and before I can think I rise and swipe a hand out at him. Lash…
Silica
His blood. Hadden's blood. There's two forces at work here. Father... and Hadden. My past.... and what my future will be. Have these past years on my own been a lie? Is my name still Amber?
I clench my fists tight at my sides and force myse…
Silica
I stand in the doorway, hands wet and dripping on the slickened floor. I cringe as Hadden talks back to Father. He doesn't like that at all, right? But... Hadden doesn't understand. He must hate me... he let me escape back there, and he ends…
Silica
It's been a hellish reminder of where I came from. Walking around the clinic like a dead thing, following him. Those moments he leaves me though, I lose it... break down, cry, often a hand against the wall or on the edge of the sink, like no…
Silica
Suddenly I take a sharp breath and lean back, looking into those fucking lights.
Rosie... why did you leave me here? Don't leave me...
My sister... why do I still keep hoping that she'll come through that door... years I waited. Years.
Silica
With father out of the room I look back into those eyes... he doesn't look good... Hadden collapses and I try to catch him. But he weighs twice what I do at least and all I can do is slightly soften his fall. He saw how fuckin' weak I reall…
Silica
He gets me by the shoulders, it's not like I resist, but there's an urgency in me. My body's been taught not to refuse father's command. I know what happens.
Hadden looks into my eyes and just for a moment I remember.
Silica
Hadden defies father and I just cringe, turning away defensively. No... no no... I take a sharp breath as Hadden hits him. I lashed out and accidentally scratched father once... he repaid me for it.
I cover my mouth with a hand, eyes wide…
Silica
I glance back at Hadden, this look on my face... defeat, regret... I can't even speak.
Then I turn back to Father, pin my eyes shut and nod a little 'yessir' nod and start to obediently go to him.
Screaming on the inside... but I just can'…
Silica
His words stab at me, 'Amber' he says... it took all of my courage to run into the night years ago, I couldn't face him... had he said one word to me then, I would have given it all up and come back to him, head bowed and begging for forgive…
Silica
I help pull Hadden to his feet, both of my hands on his forearm, takes all my strength to get him up. He can see the fear on my face, but also a rare determination, my eyes are wide and a little bit wild, "come on Haddie, we gotta burn!"
Th…
Silica
I stand at the back of the seating, there's only like three rows of seats, you could probably sit forty or fifty people up here if you filled every chair, but that doesn't happen much. Father's experiments are pretty much for his own enjoyme…
Silica
Of course. The place wasn't touched by the fire, father's fucking luck. How the hell has he lived? Nobody knows he's a fucking monster... that time I cried myself silly to old lady Jezzi about him, the one time I admitted what he was and how…
Silica
I hear the shouting as I slip out of the duct-cover and sprawl into the snow. I stumble to my feet and in a panic I flee up the street, turn a couple of corners... I know this place but it's alien. Everything feels different... and the eveni…
Silica
Oh shit! I know that shit... Hadden I know how that feels... the little yelp of surprise that escaped my throat is gratefully hidden by the sound of the scuffle, the gun. I'm just this side of terrified... teeth clenched, almost gotta bite m…
Silica
Fuck... I hear his voice and it all rushes back, I try not to panic... breathe... slow... ok. Come on Hadden, you can get outta this... you're the better man right? And fuck... I ain't ten fuckin' years old you piece of shit. That ain't me n…
Silica
Scramble up, grab hold of one of those crossbeams and slither up there. Hadden slides the tile back in place behind me... ok, quiet... breathe...
Wake the fuck up.
Silica
I get up to a crouch, nodding to Hadden... yeah. Get my shit together, step up on the metal table as lithely as sleepy Silica can manage. Then step on his shoulder, hand on his head. Gonna boost me up through the ceiling? Sure. Whatever the …