Silica
Shelly huh? Yeah I don't think I care for her... she feelin' jealous?
In the other room I take a couple minutes looking at the pictures and stuff, read some of the words. I stand in front of that bit picture, a hand flat on the wall next to…
Silica
I keep my eyes on Hadden as I slip off of the bench seat of the booth and stand... tentatively following. This feels weird, why'd he drop that so easy after the big deal he made out of it earlier... guess I put up a good act.
Yeah... yeah I…
Silica
Big 'fuck you too' ironic smile when he says I was sweet and I say with a laugh like I do, "I ain't never been sweet... fuck you."
Pleasant enough sitting here talking about shit but you know there's tension hanging over us. I don't stop hi…
Silica
Sittin' there kind of uncomfortably annoyed, but I gotta deal with it if fuckin' Jax's gonna get off my case. He makes me move over to sit... fine whatever.
I answer Jax, "I'm gettin' by fine, JJ, makin' steady flow with my boy here." I kin…
Silica
Yeah I'm happy to disappear into the booth in the corner. Place brings back memories, though... standing at that counter, craning my neck to see over the top.
Why are we waiting here for fuckin' Jax? What am I going to do? Hadden... I shou…
Silica
Soon as we break from out little hiding spot I keep my self to myself, not holding hands like that.
"I'll get my shit together..." I weakly promise as we take a few steps. Deep breath.
I want to run the fuck away... instead I pull the hoo…
Silica
Don't you see I'm upset here, Hadden? I mean... fuck. Do I gotta say what happened?
He goes to kiss me and I just turn slightly, he gets my cheek or my forehead or whatever, maybe that's what he wanted. But this is all fucking weird... he's…
Silica
He's gettin' a little too much up in my grill, I lose my cool for a second and suddenly grab Hadden by the shirt, pushing him a little, "I just shouldn'ta fuckin' come here!" If I were bigger it would be threatening, but not really.
I look…
Silica
He holds my hand, feels good. Which is weird cause I hate that kind of shit.
I lower my head a little, speaking a whisper. Not bragging here, it's just the way it is, "I could cross the fuckin' lake... not sure you could make it."
Even so …
Silica
Uncomfortable. I feel strange being here. Even all burned up it's still full of (mostly shitty) memories. Can't help but look back at Jax, he's fuckin' shit as far as I'm concerned... fuck I even let him touch me.
Hadden pulls me aside as w…
Silica
I'm just annoyed enough to start to say, "marshma..." but I cut myself off and shake my head.
The neighborhood is worse off than I remember. A lot of the old buildings look like they've been destroyed in a fire a couple years ago, knocked d…
Silica
Fuck... just great. You know sometimes I gotta do shit I don't like? Done plenty... thing is, most of the time fuckers don't care how I feel about it right? But things like this I gotta try and look like I'm ok with this. Fuck you Jax, secon…
Silica
Fewer words out of my mouth the better probably, "yeah Jaxxie, come on... for real? We just crossed the lake... you know?" I try to show how tired I am, which isn't really much of an act.
Tired of your fucking bullshit...
I say quietly, t…
Silica
No no... fuck no. He grabs my wrist which gets a little surprised chirp outta me... and talkin' to Hadden like I'm not fucking here? Fuck you... typical fucking asshole!
I pull away, about to actually raise a hand and try to scratch my way …
Silica
Can he tell he might as well have just punched me?
"Not a fuckin' word!" I say, suddenly serious, gesturing to one side with a sweep of a hand. "Jaxxie I don't wanna see nobody knows me, allright? You... are... it." Head shakin' a little. N…
Silica
Jax says my fuckin' name and I'm about to lash back with some unappreciative comment, but he's huggin' on me before I say a damn word. Shit... gotta grit my teeth and take it... it's brief enough that my uncomfortable squirming doesn't turn …
Silica
Guess I got the hoodie on, I almost say fuck it but Hadden give me a look and I put it on. Come on, who's gonna know me? Well.. answered that one.
But Jax ain't gunnin' for me so we good. He gets kinda up in my space, shit he's gotten big..…
Silica
You know somethin' I like? When it came time to up and leave, Hadden's pullin' on his pants, shirt, jacket, gloves, couple pairs of socks, boots... goggles... hat... it's hard to hide my smile as I slip on my shirt and jeans and tennies. Str…
Silica
Ridin' fast to make up time, not much talking after our little stop. I can't keep the little crooked grin off my face though. How fuckin' much I needed that. How could we fuckin' wait so long? Now that heat behind me on the sled... Hadden.
…
Silica
I hiss through my teeth as he pinches and nibbles on me, hurts just enough to get my blood going, get through the chill of my body. It's that intensity I crave, closer to danger I get the more I feel it.
Fuck yes! Hadden handles me rough an…
Silica
As Hadden rund his hand down my spine, I trace the sharp little nails of my hand across his chest, right on the edge of painful. We kiss, then I pull away and bite my lip and look at him like, 'more?'
He steals my line... hmm, gets a little…
Silica
Thief? You think I fuckin' wanted to know that shit?
Yeah I can sleep. I can sleep on a dime sometimes, and Hadden took it outta me, you know? Cuddling ain't exacly my thing but guess I can sleep a few minutes. Lucky bein' me I can just la…
Silica
Fuck.. yes Hadden. He gets it, he ges what I want, what I need. Don't make me think, Hadden, don't let me think, don't let me stop. I give myself to him... no... he takes me... that's more like it... But that's how I need it to be.
Within m…
Silica
His hands on me burn, fuck, fuck yes, Haddie... he picks me up like I'm nothin' and that gets me going... fuckin take me.
"In here..."
We crash into the little snow-swept interior of one of the boats. Little black-painted boat called 'Magp…
Silica
I'm just staring at Hadden. I've wanted him since that day... I didn't know it, didn't admit it or some shit. But there it is... I want this.
He moves in to kiss me but then hesitates and asks me... and I open my mouth to make a little help…
Silica
I bend the sled South off the deep, flat ice and hit the rougher ice nearer shore. It's all crushed up and bent, treacherous place to walk but I know the way... little different on the sled, we keep riding up these angled ridges like frozen …
Silica
I tilt my head back, closing my eyes as his hands run over my body, but then he stops... I lean back slightly, he's pulling his glove on... the wind sweeps through my hair and I notice his teeth clenched, chattering slightly. He's fuckin' fr…