Rossi:
We pick up with you finishing most of your meal at Red Brick. What did you order? Was it good? What did you say when Jester promised the owner a couple weeks of free music?
Jester mostly watched you during the meal. He ate some, drank some, but seemed much more interested in watching you. Did you talk? What did you talk about?
Comments
I insisted "a couple weeks of free music" was way too much for a night's room and board – and that we needed to get back to the gang before too long. Shy of that, I didn't really say much other than "this is so fucking good..." half fighting back tears.
Holy shit I'm hungry.
The server girl hasn't come by, not once. Jester had to order the food at the bar, and pick it up. He's not the least bit touchy about it, but you can tell these people don't want you here. There's a very, very handsome man at the bar talking with a merchant from Crossover. You've seen him with Hadden before, but it's been a while.
Near the fireplace is a small family: mother, father, two kids and... maybe an uncle? A big hulk of an uncle. The family is dressed well, that's probably their SUV outside. They're pale white, light blonde hair, well fed and quiet.
You realize you smell, but nothing much you could do about it. Shower later, probably hot water at a place like this, that'll be amazing. Maybe worth a couple weeks' work. Maybe.
... If his answer even hints at a nod, I'm not sure I'll be able to keep myself from burying my face in that plate.
It's much better than the fish, delicately balanced sweet sauce on a tangy meat, some lightly seared vegetables, too. Probably grow-lamp stuff from Stalefish, and amazeballs. There appear to be one too many eyes on it, underneath, but that's perhaps more than one of the... animals used to make it.
"How did you cope... down there?" Jester asks when you finally come up for air. He's talking low, this place is quiet, conversations carry.
I smile, and take another small bite, "I'm just glad I was right."
He reaches out to touch your hand, "Marry me. I want the entire frozenass world to know I'm yours and you're mine. And when you're ready, I want to have kids with you, Rossi. I want us to raise them to happy and strong. We can be a family." He's so earnest, so intense about this, it's not a joke.
What do you do?
I reach for my glass of water, and take a big drink... Like "the whole fucking glass" big... Fuck. I don't mind the thought of getting married, maybe... I mean... I love him, but I never thought marriage really added anything to it. Look at Merr and his fucking wives — are they in love? No. Are they married? Yes. We're in love. Isn't that enough? What will getting married add, other than making me a "wife" — whatever the fuck that means — and add expectations of family, and all that shit to my life?
And why does he want to throw kids into this mix, anyway? Didn't someone just try and bury me alive? Aren't I wanted dead or alive at the fucking Pier? I was just submersed in a literal boatload of tear gas. What about my life screams "mother material" that I'm not seeing? And what's with this "ownership" bullshit? We're together — not co-owners of our bodies...
My hands are shaking, and I think I've been quiet a little too long... Shit. I look up at Jester, fear in my eyes, and whisper, "Jester... I love you too... I just... Kids... And getting married? I mean — not that I have anything against it — but what does getting married give us that being together doesn't? Do you really see me as the kind of woman that is a "wife"? Half the time I'm pretending to be a man for fuck's sake..."
His eyes dance for a second and he pulls his right hand out from under the table. He must've fished something out of his pants pocket, because he's got his hands clenched into a fist holding something, "Besides, Mel would never let me give anyone but my wife this..." He turns his hand over to show you a very fine, delicate white gold ring with an adorable ruby red stone on it. It looks adorable and incredibly clean.
"My moms were married. They were happy, even though times were tough. I am proud to call you my forever partner, or whatever you want to rename it. But in my heart, I want to be your husband, Rossi." He hands you the ring.
What do you do?
The sight of that ring puts a big, dry lump in my throat that won't fucking move. My eyes lock on it – an old symbol of days gone by – and I'm torn. It's pretty, like the words coming out of his mouth, but it only makes me worry... "Why me?"
His voice cracks a bit, which never happens for Jester. He can talk through everything, but not this one, "It's just you."
He's right, though – I'm probably going to punch him for being lewd. Not hard, or anything... Definitely not right now... My eyes lock on his when he starts talking, and they don't wander until he's done. The emotion in Jester's voice definitely has me going though. I'm beet red, and I've got that tingly feeling you get in your nose right before you start crying. He definitely has a way with words... I wish I could see the world through his eyes.
The elephant in the room is how he keeps bringing up kids... I don't understand why people want to bring kids into this world. I totally get taking care of them if they just happen to come along, but actively wanting to have a kid? Why? So they can freeze to death? And spend years getting shit on by every asshole out there? I can rhyme off the number of truly good people I've met in Chi-town on one hand.
I deflate, and lean forward so I can talk more quietly. "Jester," I whisper, "I really do love you, and I want to spend forever with you too... But I don't think I can give you what you want." I reach out and gently take his hands into mine, "I don't think I can give you kids."
I hang my head, still emotional as some memories of my childhood come flooding back... The operating room, the sickening smell of bleach, that shitty fucking song about London Bridge, being huddled in a corner with Silica as Mom screamed at that asshole. He used to hit her. He liked it. It's a feeling I'm not entirely unfamiliar with. It's a side of me that comes out when I wear that mask... I don't want a child to see that kind of anger. I don't want them to have to do the things I've done to survive...
But what truly scares me, is that when I couldn't take it anymore, I abandoned my little sister... I left her in the hands of that monster. I did it because I would have gotten us both killed. I went out looking for somewhere safe to find for her, and I never fucking found it. Now she's addicted to ice, and she fucking hates me. How could I bring a child into this world? I've fought tooth and nail to keep Jester — a full-grown man — alive these past few months... All I've got are guns and clothes on me. How do you feed and house a child with guns?
I look up to Jester with tears in my eyes, and shakily whisper, "I didn't have the loving parents you had growing up, Jester... I'm not ready to bring a child into this world. I'm not sure this world is ready to have children in it. If you want kids, then I need stability. I need to know I don't have to kill people to keep us safe. I need to have food stuffs that don't dry up. We need a real home that isn't going to get buried by Merr and his fucking assholes... Please tell me you understand that."
He swallows, takes a breath, then nods. "I understand." He lets that hang on the air for a bit, then squeezes your hands, "I want to learn how to protect myself, Rossi. If you need stability, then you need to trust me on my own." The left corner of his mouth quirks down in a slight frown, "It turns out that not everybody loves me after all."
I lift my hand up to his cheek, and calmly whisper, "maybe not... but I love you — and you don't know how much you mean to me. I promise you I'll work hard to make my life stable. I promise I'll never leave you... I can't promise there will be kids in our future, but... Well... I can't exactly promise there won't be either — I want you to be happy too, Jester. In spite of all this fucking shit, I want you to be happy..."
I lean in close and give him a peck on the lips, then add, "I won't make you look anymore, Jester... I love you, and if you need me to be happy the way I need you, then I'll be your wife."
Then he holds onto your hand and steps up from his seat, standing on the floor to address everyone in the Red Brick, "Everyone! I want you all to know that Rossi has agreed to be MY WIFE! This is the greatest moment of my life!" He does a little hoppity dance and laughs.
The dour family looks sort of shocked for a moment, but then the wife nudges the men, and they give smiles. She raises a glass, and stands. With a heavily accented voice, she says, "Blessings to you then." The family, and the weird uncle, raise their glass with her. The bartender joins in the toast, even other patrons seem more at ease.
I'm blushing pretty hard when he's up and dancing around; but I get up and nod to the family in the corner, then grab him by the waist and plant a kiss on him to calm him down. "Easy there, Jessie... Let's not make too much of a scene."
It occurs to me that he just announced a marriage to "Rossignol" — a girl who wandered into Chi-town on a pair of skis, who was too shy to say her real name when people asked — and something about it strikes me as wrong... I pull him into an embrace, and whisper a name into his ear. It's one nobody's called me in a long, long time — one my mother only ever really used. I put a finger up to his lips once he's looking at me, and add, "just for you."
I remember reading that newly-weds exchanged rings or something... I don't have a ring, but I figure this will have to do.
He glances over at the bartender, "We'll take the bath and the room now, please." The server girl comes over to lead you both down the hall to a set of stairs up to the couple rooms over Red Brick.
On the way up the wooden stairs, which creak and groan as you climb them, Jester says, "The rooms up here are pretty nice, Rossi. Big beds, a bathroom with a big tub, heaters... the works. High jingle travelers stay here when they move in and out of Chi-Town."
The server, a slip of a girl with mocha-colored skin and a shaved head under a kerchief, pulls a old skeleton key out of a pocket on her dress to open up the second door down the hall. Inside is much like Jester said, a decent room with some nice amenities. A dream compared to the sub, not bad compared to where you lived as a kid. She leaves you two alone, and he immediately works on getting a bath going.
What do you do?
I lock the door behind Jester, and fiddle with the new "ring" on my finger... I wonder if Lemma can make it fit better. Maybe I just need to eat a bit more... I did just starve myself for a week. I feel sluggish just eating that crap downstairs — hell, I'm pretty tired too. A bath could be nice. Several baths could be nice.
He makes sure the water is nice and warm before he hobbles over to help you up, then leads you over to the tub, and gives you support as you get in. As you're settling, he heads to a small closet and gets some rags, and comes back to gently wash you, insisting you lie there are relax. He croons to you softly, songs he knows you love, a few lines he's written in himself, all about you. Which song touches you the most, Rossi?
Jester spends several minutes with his little whittling knife working on the grime in your nails, gently cleaning each one as if he was peeling back layers off an onion. He even pulls your feet up, one by one, cleaning your toes, toenails, too. Pretty soon, the entire tub is filthy, so he helps you out of the tub, and walks you over to the bed, laying down towels so you can lie there and just relax, stripped of the gear, and the mask, and the guns. Just you and him. Husband and wife.
I imagine you drift off at some point, but is there anything you just have to say or do before he lets you sleep, then cuddles up beside you?
You dreamed about Silica. About Amber. She's back home, working with your father, who has someone on the table. It's Hadden. Silica is so frightened, Rossi. She's stuck there, can't fight.
You hear her thoughts:
Rosie... why did you leave me here? Don't leave me...
Then you're up. You know it's real.
What do you do?
What the fuck were you doing back there Silica?