[Ninja Burger] What the Doctor Ordered

Rich

It is a slow Tuesday night in the dog days of summer. How did you end up with this shift? Trade with Kumiko? Did Sadaharu-san pay you off to take it? Did Tetsuo call out sick again? Looking for some extra cash for something?

You returned from your last delivery ten minutes ago (you dropped off 3 Double Ninja Burgers to a reporter as she was filming a local bank robbery hostage standoff, her cameraman tipped well). It was so slow that I had to put you to work organizing the burger bags and restocking. As you're pulling big, wrapped plastic Ninja Burger packages of bags off a pallet, I call out loudly, "Mitsui-san!" I wait for you to come to my station.

My station is where I act as Dispatcher. I've got an old, hand scrawled map of the entire city against a wall, with every street drawn and marked. There are post-its with notes on Banditos Burritos locations, speed traps for the local police, blue post-its for "great tippers". I also have a small laptop and my radio set. Each ninja has some communicator. Some use the cheapie walkie talkies, others have slick headset units like the FBI use. What about you?

"Mitsui-san," I tell you directly. "Pirate Pizza attacked Hannuman on his delivery to City Hospital. Hannuman defeated them, but he has been seriously injured and cannot complete the delivery. I need you to head to fourth and Hertz, get the order, which is 2 Samurai Chicken sandwiches, and deliver it to Doctor Alcome. He's in the middle of a twelve hour brain surgery and wants something to eat without any of the staff knowing." I look at the entry in the ordering system. "And you have fourteen minutes."

WHAT DO YOU DO?!?!?!?!?!

WPTunes

Did Sadaharu know this would happen? His lazy ass offered me $40 to take over at the last minute, and I already worked the day shift. Now we've got a crisis situation instead of the usual Tuesday night doldrums. FU, Pinky! I tap my faux Secret Service earbud, with the curly wire and all, and say, "Sure, Sensei. Fourth and Hertz."

I rush out of the store. All the Ninja Drivers are out, so I push a kid off his skateboard and start pushing it. Fortunately, Fourth and Hertz is downhill.

Rich

Alright, Mitsui-san, you're on a skateboard, zipping down Fourth towards Hertz. I'd like to see how quickly you get there. It should take you six minutes to reach Hannuman and fetch the order and his body. But you're rushing.

Give me a roll against a Good Target Number of 9. For every +2 over the Target Number that you get, take a minute off.

WPTunes

Sure, I'm a little ticked at Pinky, but I am a pro, right? I start zipping down the hill. I duck and dodge, and at one point I even surf behind a minivan for a little. We pass a traffic cop who holds his baton out to tell me to stop, blowing on his whistle, but I give him a ninja-poke in the belly on the way past and his puffed out cheeks explode suddenly. The whistle flies out of his mouth and hits the driver of a little red Miata convertible in the head. No one is safe from Mitsui!

WPTunes

ROLLING:

Ninja Deliverator +2
Dirty Tricks +2

(Rolled: 2d6+4. Rolls: 4, 1. Total: 9)

Rich

You arrive at Fourth and Hertz in six minutes, giving you eight remaining.

Hannuman's little Smart Car is flipped on its side, and he's sitting against the back wheel well, huffing and bleeding. There are six pirate corpses lying around him. Across the street is a wood-panel station wagon with bondo and paper mache add-ons to make it look like a frickin galleon.

"Mitsui-san," Hannuman says with a curt nod of his bleeding head, "Please finish the delivery for me. I will only slow you down!" He tosses the bag of sandwiches towards you.

WPTunes

Mitsui can grab sandwiches at the speed of sound. And he does. The bag is in my hands. Ninjas take no prisoners and we do leave men behind. "30 Minutes, or we commit seppuku!" That's my code, the Ninja Burger Code. I spit on an oozing pirate corpse as I continue down the hill. Pirates? Ha!

Rich

You skate past the wreck, catching the bag without stopping. Lucky for you, Fourth continues for another half mile, all the way to the hospital.

Mitsui-san," I call to you over the radio. "You've got three entrances. The ER, with lots of chaos, but lots of security. The front door, surprisingly less security, but also farther away from the OR. Last is the loading dock, but there are deliveries going on right now, so you will have to find a way past or through the orderlies taking in shipments."

What do you do?

WPTunes

I tap my ear with my free hand. "Sensei, Mitsui is going in hot... ER it is." As I reach the ER entrance, I dodge around the ambulances and jump off the skateboard, holding the bag close. I see an orderly on a smoke-break just outside, the prescribed 25 feet from the door. I sneak up on her. Mitsui is going to acquire a disguise.

Rich

Ooh! I've got eyes on you, Mitsui-san. I know you can pull this off! If you want to subdue that orderly and take her scrubs, then give me a roll against a straightforward task (7) to pull it off.

WPTunes

Mitsui can take an orderly in his sleep. In fact, Mitsui once fell asleep in the waiting room of a hospital and woke up surrounded by the unconscious bodies of staff Mitsui had beaten up while dreaming of kittens.

I walk up to the orderly, take the cigarette from her mouth and throw it to the ground. "Smoking is bad for you!" I use the words as my kiai, summon my ninja chi, and give her a sharp chop to the neck, simultaneously grinding the butt out with the toe of my tabi boots.

WPTunes

Deliverator and Dirty Tricks

(Rolled: 2d6+4. Rolls: 3, 3. Total: 10)

Rich

Ooh, that orderly did NOT see that coming! And she didn't see it happen, either! NINJA-tastic, Mitsui-san.

Plus safer for the environment.

Orderly Simcoe drops like a sack of potatoes, and I see you catch her before her head hits the pavement. You pull her over to some well manicured bushes and pull a quick change. Nice job! All in two minutes, and now you've got six minutes to get the bag to the OR.

I switch to the internal cameras in the hospital and see you walking inside. How does that uniform fit you, Mitsui-san?

"It's Operating Room Twelve, Mitsui-san," I call to you over the radio. "You'll need to swipe the badge to get to the OR. Watch out for any worried family members.

WPTunes

These scrubs fit Mitsui like a manatee's pajamas on an antelope, but Mitsui has Ninja Style. Mitsui carries off the look like a boss. Or so Mitsui thinks.

I stroll the though press of the crowd and swipe the non-ninja badge through the little slot. When I hear the "click" of the door, I slide through and follow the signs to Operating Room Twelve. Uh oh. "Sensei, I have family members directly ahead. They look tense. Do you see any way past, or should I use my Ninja Improvisation skills?"

Rich

I check the camera feeds, cross-reference the floor plans. "Mitsui-san," I respond curtly, "As we say in the ninja business: 'the vent is always open'. There are air vents that will let you sneak past, but that might slow you down. I'll leave it to you. You've got four minutes."

WPTunes

Harsh fluorescent lighting is everywhere, but harsh light casts sharp shadows. Mitsui has four minutes. Mitsui takes a moment of stillness to recall Mitsui's Shinobi Iri training.

I duck behind an unused piece of equipment and pull my mask back on. I take a deep breath and step out. From shadow to shadow I move, with the grace of a two-tailed cat. Operating Room Twelve is in my sights.

Rich

As you sneak past the waiting room, a small family of eight are busy playing handheld video games, chattering with each other and others on mobile phones, small children running in circles, endlessly in circles, with snot on their faces. Snot. SNOT! So gross, why don't they clean that up?

Let's see how you sneak by at a Expert Difficulty of 11 !

WPTunes

ROLLING

(Rolled: 2d6+4. Rolls: 2, 1. Total: 7)

Rich

You slip up to the doorway, then rush past it, only to hear, "Nursie!" A four year old, snot-faced girl in pig-tails attaches herself to your left leg. She wipes her face against your white orderly pants and looks up, "Is my mommy okey day?"

WPTunes

Mitsui considers cursing, but Ninjas do not curse, at least not out loud. Instead, Mitsui looks down at this tiny bag of bodily excretions through the slit of Mitsui's mask.

"Nurse must bring something into the operating room so your Mommy doesn't die horribly, wittle girl." It may be true, Doctor Alcome may have blood sugar issues, and who wants a lightheaded brain surgeon? I shake my left leg.

Rich

She looks up at you, tears in her wittle eyes, "...whaaaaaa...?" She does that loud, sucking sound like she's drawing enough breath to wail. Wail her wittle head off.

"Mitsui-san," I call into your radio, "You've got three minutes. You are almost there!"

WPTunes

I tap my earpiece. "I'll make it, Sensei. Just a... umm... small delay." My mind is racing. Snotty children are not among the Juhakkei that provided the backbone of Mitsui's training.

I believe Ninja Burger Corporate would frown on using my tanto in this situation, so I go for the next best thing. Meesa reaches down, reluctantly bringing myself closer to the snot fountain, and press my finger firmly into the pressure point just behind her wittle ear. A few seconds, and she should be beddy-bye.

Rich

If you want to pull this off, Mitsui-san, I think it's not impossible. Let's call it a difficulty of 7, BUT you need to use your "Talking to Girls" Quality in the roll.

WPTunes

Mitsui's training falters in the face of this tiny leaking female. No Deliverator for Mitsui!

Roll

Dirty Tricks (+2), Talking to Girls (-2)

(Rolled: 2d6+0. Rolls: 2, 1. Total: 3)

Rich

Mitsui-san, right as I switch my camera feed to the waiting room to watch you try to pull off the "dim mak sleep touch", but she giggles and slips out of your grasp, her attention shifting to the bag you're holding. I nearly shriek when I watch the young, snotty girl squeal, "Chicken!" as she snags the bag out of your hands! She scampers into the waiting room with the bag, skipping to the small coffee table.

She's going to eat it!

"The family doesn't see her yet, Mitsui-san, you have two minutes!"

What do you do?

WPTunes

Today is not the day Mitsui commits seppuku.

I walk into the waiting room. "Attention, please!" I say in an authoritative tone, channeling the way Sadaharu-san's mother speaks to him, "Please proceed to outer waiting room in orderly fashion. We will be transporting patient to isolation ward with highly infectious case of, ah, COOTIES. Note that circle-circle-dot-dot inoculations ineffective against this strain. Again, please proceed to outer waiting room." In the ensuing chaos, I grab the sandwiches back from the hateful small person.

Rich

Let's see you "convince" them to leave. Difficulty 7. Since you're dealing with a group, you're not "talking to a girl".

Fail, and the 30 minutes might be up!

WPTunes

Mitsui is desperate, grasping at straws. Mitsui is seconds from drastic auto-termination.

Roll

Deliverator (+2)

(Rolled: 2d6+2. Rolls: 4, 3. Total: 9)

Rich

The mention of "cooties" is only caught by the eight year old, who pulls his dad's elbow. Luckily, you bluster your way through things, and this family starts ambling their way to the outer waiting room without further incident.

Your way is no longer blocked! "Mitsui-san! Please make your way to room 12. You have just under a minute!"

There is no guard at the door. How are you making the delivery?

WPTunes

After the family (and that snot-nosed terrorist!) evacuate, I lay out the Samurai Chicken Sandwiches on a clean spot on one of the low tables, napkins and a Ninja wet-wipe alongside.

Mitsui sees his target in sight. Operating Room 12. Pushes through the door like a boss. A boss Ninja.

"Excuse me, Doctor Alcome? You're needed urgently in OR 13, to, ah, consult on a brain, ah, hemiola. Just a quick look." Mask still on. Surely the surgeon will get the hint?

Rich

Dr. Alcome looks up from the patient, sees you, then nods. "Take it for a bit, Walter?" A secondary doctor moves in, and he comes out with you.

"Way to go, Mitsui-san!" I call as encouragement over the radio. "You had twenty five seconds left." I give you a moment to hand over the bag and get your money.

"Head on back now. We have more deliveries."