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[Ninja Burger] Writer's Summit
Mitsui-san, as I promised, there are deliveries waiting for you when you return. I inform you when you come in, "Mitsui-san, you've got a good one. Robert Queen, the famous writer, is here in town on a novel-writing hermitage. He's ordered two double ninja burgers and wants them in the traditional thirty minutes. He's up on Lover's Leap cliff, though. We're still short a car. The climb is very steep.... GOOD LUCK!" Your bag is waiting under the heat lamp, still fresh from the grill.
Comments
"Yes, Sensei!" I grab the bag and head for the door. Sensei, how far is it to Lover's Leap?
It is a fifteen minute jog from the store, since as a highly trained ninja, you run seven minute miles. If you wish to push yourself, you can roll against a difficulty seven. For every 2 over the target number, you may subtract one minute from your jogging time.
I take off running down the street, tabi boots silent on the concrete. I dodge between cars and at one point even jump from the top of one moving taxi to another to gain that spare second.
Deliverator +2, GTFO +2
(Rolled: 2d6+4. Rolls: 3, 5. Total: 12)
The area is clear from homes, so you can start climbing right away....
However, you see halfway up the cliff is a beautiful samurai-ko who is returning from a delivery. She wears the armor of Samurai Burger, and it looks like it is none other than Nakano Rion-chan!
Why is it that you and her don't get along, Mitsui-san? What do you do?
At last year's annual Ninja Burger vs. Samurai Burger softball game, while Mitsui was warming up in the on-deck circle, the Samurai Burger coach substituted Nakano Rion-chan in at First Base. Mitsui immediately went dreamy, but of course it was a forbidden love: Samurai and Ninja can never fraternize.
blah, blah, blah
I saw a cute girl, but still managed to hit a single. As I was waiting on base for Tetsuo to finally swing at something, she smiled and said, "Nice hit for a Ninja..." To which I responded, "Uhm. Did you know that a pig's orgasm can last for up to 30 minutes?" Needless to say, we never did get the chance to become star-crossed lovers.
Mitsui sees only one path to achieving this delivery. Mitsui begins to climb, hoping to avoid contact through swift and crafty footwork.
What I actually say is: "Nakano-chan! I am your adoring servant, so come give me a big kiss! It is not as if we are sworn enemies, after all!"
Mitsui is about to become the sort of Ninja that says "Shit."
She nearly snarls at you, then leaps from ledge to ledge down towards you.
"Mitsui-san! I don't think she's coming to kiss you!" I call over the radio. I forget to stop transmitting, so you overhear me say, "Asane-chan. Mitsui-san is about to fight Rion-chan. What odds do you give for him surviving? .....really? I'll put fifty on him, then!"
I reach into the pouch at my left side for a loose cloth bundle about the side of a ninja golf ball, filled with itching powder. Ready to throw, I pull my katana from its saya. My feet are apart, loose, without that crazy samurai rigidity and pomp. I'm ready.
As Nakano crosses the last few yards, "Sensei, what are the odds, and can you put five for me on Rion-chan?"
Nakano-Rion comes down at you, both hands on her katana poised for a downward chopping blow. "Heeeeeyyai!"
If you want to duck her blow, that's difficulty 7. If you want to hit her with the powder, you'll need a 9.
I toss the itching powder into Nakano-Rion's face, feeling like a heel. Whatever that means.
Deliverator (+2), Dirty Tricks (+2)
(Rolled: 2d6+4. Rolls: 5, 3. Total: 12)
Nakano-chan throws an arm up, but too late. The burning powder gets her good! She staggers a couple steps to her right, away from you, the katana barely held in her right hand. Her right foot is on the very precipice of the ledge you two are standing on. A simple shove would finish her off.
"Send her flying, Mitsui-san! Money's on the line!" Not to mention timing, too. Clock's ticking.
Or you could just climb up. But you know she'll come up after you...
Mitsui develops a plan in the blink of an eye!
I reach out toward Nakano-chan, and Sensei, you probably think I'm going to push her like you said. Instead, I grab the end of her uwa-obi and pull. It unravels and sends her spinning back toward the cliff wall. I kick out at her katana as I leap for the next handhold, hopefully sending the weapon flying, rather than Nakano.
But I keep that all inside.
Her uwa-obi comes away and yes, she spins, not very gracefully, with one hand up over her face, the other clutching her ancestral katana. Her kimono top comes completely undone, and you see her small undershirt, which is a Badtzmaru tank top. Sort of cute.
not Rion's body!:
She drops her katana to try and hide her body, still scratching at her eyes. Snot, Mitsui-san, snot is forming at her nose and her eyes are tearing up.
"Go! Go! Go!" I roder over the radio. You need to get going. That climb and fight took a minute and a half. You've got fifteen minutes left.
"Gunna kill youuuu," Nakano-chan wails as she falls to the ground, hiding her body and trying to find her water bottle.
Mitsui knows that a Ninja is nothing without a Nemesis. A hot, hot Nemesis.
A smile quirks my lips. I try to blow Nakano-chan a kiss, but wind up accidentally sticking my finger up my nose. There is climbing to be done, though! Ledge to ledge, handhold to handhold, I hop up the slope with all the majesty and grace of a Hopping Hippo.
Fifteen minutes? Mitsui could take a break for a cigarette and some delicious stinky nattō.
On the top of this cliff, there are four houses, all built to overlook the city with big wide windows and wrap-around decks. No house numbers. They are all pretty much the same layout and exterior (there's only one really good architect in town). Of course, they're huge, and owned by recluses. Which means they're technically off the grid.
"Mitsui-san. I'm not sure which house is the right one. I see lights on in three of them. One is having a party. You should have enough time to knock on each door. Good luck!"
Mitsui thinks for one second, then acts. If Robert Queen is hermitted-up for a little writing time, he's probably not having a party. The dark house first! Where else?
"Sensei, we don't have the address?" Then I knock on the door.
Of course, that should mean, if there are only four total, you can eliminate the two in the middle, which is dark house, and one lights on but not party house.
You hear no sounds of walking or movement inside.
How long do you knock and wait?
I move to the house on the end, with the party. Ninja knocks are firm and demanding, requiring attention even in the midst of merriment. Knock Knock Knock! says my fist!
You hear the telltale signs of footfalls mixed in with the kickin' dubstep tunes from inside the party. The door swings wide and a guy in his thirties wearing a stylish button-down shirt and black slacks with a slightly receding hairline answers the door. He looks at you, then past you, "Hello?"
"The author?" receding-hairline guys asks-confirms. "Three houses over." He points the other way.
I call to you over the radio, "Mitsui-san. Six and a half minutes. You've got this one easy."
One of the blondes, in this tiny dental-floss-disguised-as-a-bathing-suit turns, sees you and waves, "Hey!"
But, oh my, how does that thing even stay on? I waste 15 seconds staring, then turn and run like the wind to the house at the other end of the row. Once again, Knock knock knock!
"Big fan, Mr. Queen." Does this man look like the book-cover pictures?
"Thank you." he says it with a humble tone. He looks tired. He hands you the money, "Keep the change.". As you're handing him the bag of food, you hear the sound of someone running through high grass from behind you.
"Mitsui-san!" I call with alarm. "Watch out for Rion!"
Nakano-chan stops running at you from behind when you turn to face her. Her right eye is red and still twitching. There are red rash marks along her face and neck, running all the way down to hide behind her black tank top. It seems her sash is lost. She's angry. Not exactly beautiful, though. And yes, there is some snot running, along with heavy tears flowing.
"You.... you suck, Mitsui." She stands there, katana still sheathed, fists clenched, fuming.
Difficulty 7, but you have to use your Weakness. And, you're not deliverating, are you?
Tough one, Mitsui. Good luck.
"Kick her ass, Mitsui-san!" I yell over the radio, "I've got money riding! You, too!"
Talking to Girls (-2)
(Rolled: 2d6-2. Rolls: 1, 3. Total: 2)
Mitsui has just become the sort of Ninja that says shit.
"Shit."
When I do see you, I'm honestly surprised you're still alive. "She didn't kill you, Mitsui-san? She must be getting soft. I lost money on you, Ninja!"
Then, I realize you're probably going to be unable to deliver anymore tonight, I add, "Take the rest of the night off, Mitsui-san."
Mitsui completed the delivery, so that's something, but Mitsui was publicly humiliated by a Samurai. And a woman.
Damn, though. What a woman.