Sierra,
A couple days have passed since the Fippers' "inspection" and things have returned to normal, at least for the Diamond. Esco's out for the day, he left for Bordertown East to pick up some supplies and look for some new girls to replace those who left.
Questions about the Feed have resulted in some confusion (Marigold) and actually useful information (JD). Folks who have influence around that kind of stuff are very rarely public about it, but JD mentions that DJ Gnarly has his own Feed working, so he must know a thing or two. Also, June, of all people, is someone who he's heard has some "power with the weird".
Are you keeping this secret, this idea to leave the Diamond and escape the dangers you bring everyone? At the very least, does Marigold or Reese know? What about Fleece? Or Esco?
Oh damn... what about that nice mattress you just got, gonna leave it behind?
Comments
I haven't told Marigold yet. I figure, I may need her help when it comes to transportation anyhow, so she's last on my list. Well, after Esco. I have a lot to say to Esco. Trying to put it all into words is hard. I've got a lot of feelings for him, and most of them are pretty complicated.
Really though, it's Fleece I am dreading to talk to. I've avoided the clinic the last day as I have packed all my things up. I don't have much. Five outfits now, thanks to my new extra jungle, twelve books, Artemis, my dagger, which I got a holster for so to keep on me, and depending on my ride I may take the mattress... probably not though.
Fleece though, well, better now then never, I think as I walk to the clinic.
JD sends him back out to greet them, and gives you a nod, "Don't go too far, in case Motley brings trouble, okay?"
"Hi, Ooma. Sorry for skipping out." I motion to the microscope, "You busy?" the cowardly part of me is hoping she says yes. Though, I'm not sure which part of this conversation I am more concerned about.
"I've got news, but uh, actually I was hoping I could get your medical opinion on something first."
I'm not looking at her, I'm looking at my hands. I'm not sure this is a good idea, at all.
I nod. "I think something might be very wrong with me." I pick up my hands and hold them in front of me. "It's a theory, but when people touch me. They... I'm worried that they... that I do something to them."
As you jerk in reaction, she lets go, "I didn't feel much. Nice hands, love your cuticles, the nails are perfect, super jealous, but all of that was before I touched you. So, what evidence do you have to support this theorem?"
Maybe I'm wrong, or maybe it's something else.
"It's just... Gloriana, she used to tell me not to let people touch me. I used to think that it was because she would hurt them. Out of jealousy or spite, but... Since being here, most of the people I've touched, I've affected in some way." I can feel my blush getting deeper and I look around the room before landing my eyes on Fleece. "A sexual way."
I bite my lip to keep the words from spilling out, but they just don't manage to stay in, "It sounds Zaridann I know, but... in most cases, Fleece, I don't want them. I don't..." I sigh, "And the way people look at me when I take off a piece of clothing, any piece of clothing. And that, that's everyone."
I tuck my legs up so I can wrap my arms around them, making myself as small as I can on the table. "What kind of monster does that to people?"
I twist my forearm around so I can lay my fingers on Fleece's inner wrist. Barely a whispers touch. I drop my left leg over the side of the table and turn to face her her strong profile. "You always say the perfect thing. You're insumatt, Ooma. To me. And I am trying, to become, someone. Someone good. But, I..." I turn and lean in letting my voice drop. "that's why I am leaving." My heart skips a beat and it feels like the first time I made the decision all over again. Terrified, but sure, and sad to leave my new home. My voice almost too low to be called a whisper. "I need to find a way to disappear from her."
My heart clenches, like a fist inside my chest. I close my eyes and lean into her more, my forehead pushing against her temple. My voice strained with emotion."Oh Ooma, I'm going to miss you."
Fleece gently slips an arm around you to hold you close, "I'll miss you, too. The break from mopping and sweeping was so nice." She huffs a light laugh, then turns her head to kiss your forehead, "I hope you find peace, Sierra. You deserve it."
I hope I don't regret it.
I stay tucked up against her side for a moment, steadying myself, before continuing.
"I just want you to know, that the things you said about me being a person. About me becoming... I couldn't have made this decision without you. I just hope, the person I become, is someone that makes you proud."
Then she moves away. There still feels something like a tether there though, a thrumming between us.
It's cold in the clinic, I didn't notice that before. I move my jacket more firmly around myself. "I had planned to get a driver, but... I didn't plan on protection. I'm no good with a gun."
She opens a few boxes, then says, "Ah!" Pulls out small velvet bag with a drawstring, comes over to hold it by the strings, "Regardless, take this with you." She lets it dangle under you take it.
I raise my hands so the bag fits in my palm. "What is it?" I raise my eyes from the bag to her sincere brown ones. She's close and reflexively I lick my bottom lip. My eyes are still a little wet, but I hope they are dry enough to go unnoticed.
(Joy Buzzer +1 Hard, delivers S-Harm, tags and close, hand)
A full exam would mean taking off my clothes, and that would mean... "I don't want to, ummm, affect you."
She gently slips her hand from yours to move over to her little cabinet, opening a drawer to fetch some rubber gloves. As she puts them on, she answers, "Then. Don't." She has her back to you now, but she'll probably turn around.
I carefully, mentally, dress myself in this sleeve. I imagine it tight to me like a second skin. It's only when I can feel all the edges of my fantasy align with my skin that I start to take off my jacket. I fold it neatly and reach for the bottom of my dress.
Let's see you Act Under Fire here to keep it under control, Sierra. This won't be a forever thing needing a roll each time, but it is the first time, right?
(Rolled: 2d6+1. Rolls: 3, 2. Total: 6)
Fleece huffs a sigh of frustration, saying quietly, "Hold that thought." She heads to the door, calling through it, "Who is it?"
Without hesitation, Fleece answers angrily, "Sod off, Preen. I'm not a fuggin' embassy. I can't grant amnesty, or protection. It's just a clinic. Go hide in the mines, you dumbass."
She moves to the door to check the lock. You know it isn't locked, Sierra. What do you do?
I can feel my concentration slipping as it splits, fractured into what I'm doing and what is happening.
I don't want Mot to kill Preen, I'm pretty sure. Preen's just a pawn, that's all he's been his entire life and he gave us good Intel. But, if they are looking for Preen, they'll probably look for me first. Hiding here makes no sense.
I raise my voice, "Preen, it's Sierra. If they've come for you they'll most likely come talk to me first. I agree with Fleece, best hide somewhere I'm not. Let me talk to Mott."
After a few moments consideration, and a failed attempt to open the door after Fleece locks it, "They don't trust me. The miners. I'll need to buy a place to hide. I don't have anything!"
Fleece gives you a look like "don't bother with this promok".
"Preen, you got two choices, listen to me and hide or run. Your call, but you aren't gonna place Fleece in danger, Savvy?"
She might think I am a total promok for giving Preen the jingle, but I really didn't have a choice. I just want to get out of the Irons without anymore blood on my hands - and I was the one who told Preen he could stay here. I mean to keep that promise if I can.
Fleece turns and faces me with that look and I am suddenly very aware how naked I am. "Sorry for the trouble."
I can feel tremors of whatever this is between us. And butterfly wings be damned, I am not sure I could leave here never knowing.
"Fleece, may I ask you a question? Even if it's selfish and unfair to ask?" My right hand is worrying the side of my dress and I bite my bottom lip. Nervous ticks. I smooth down my dress and try to calm myself down.
It's enlightening.
And Frack this is selfish. I'm being a complete dumdik, but I could be leaving to die - or, or worse. I don't want the last lips I remember to be Pellet's. I want it to be someone I... I care about. And this is something I can't ask Esco.
I know sometimes I can make people give me what I want, I know sometimes, they do it without thinking - like Pellet. So I imagine the skin again, I picture it easier than I did before, the clear film sitting over my body, keeping the whatever I am in.
"Are you, do you..." my heart is beating so fast it feels like I could break a rib. "...have feelings for me? For the real me and not just..." I run my hands up my arms, over their bare skin. "And please, be honest with me," I take a big breath, trying to calm my runaway heart, "Don't just say, what you think I want to hear, because I am leaving."
Disappointment, love and endearment battle in me. I remember then, what she told me that day with Reese in the clinic. She's in love with someone else. She doesn't have the same feelings for me, and that's, that's okay. "I miss you too, Ooma." I breathe out, stepping closer to her.
I want her to know. I decide, I want her to know anyway. Steeling myself, I move close to her, voice pitched low, like I am sharing a secret. And I am.
"I want you to know, how I feel about you. And it's okay if you don't feel the same way. I smile at her, tucking my hair to one side of my neck, "It's not just your advice I have treasured, or your words, though they have impacted me more than I can express. I finally feel like I can become real, like the person I am becoming is important, and that has nothing to do with who I was before. Or who I was attached to before," I hear my voice crack, my eyes filling with water. "and I've never felt that way before. Like who I was mattered. Before I only mattered because Gloriana made me matter, because to Gloriana I was real."
I blink and I can feel hot tears roll down my face. But I keep my voice pitched low, "And you make me feel like all I need to be real, is me. But more than that, I want you to know, that to me you are utterly darisann. You are beautiful, inside and out. And I know you are in love with someone else. So, please, I don't expect anything in return, but I wanted you to know that I do, care for you." My arms snake around my middle, as if to protect myself from my own words. As if they are barbed and slicing me through. "I just couldn't leave without you knowing. And without thanking you too. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to... feel like this, again."
I sniffle a bit, breathing deeply through my nose, before turning to her with a bright smile, finally raising my voice. "So, thank you, Ooma, for everything."
When she speaks, my heart flutters quickly. Hope carried in its hummingbird beat. Maybe, just maybe, she feels something for me too. She kisses my cheek and I try to memorize the touch, the feel. Her lips are hot against my skin. She doesn't kiss me though, and by now she has to know it would be welcome.
And hoolies, would it ever be welcome.
But in the scorch, anything could happen to me. If she doesn't want the memory of my kiss, I can understand why. Instead I turn my neck and rise on my tiptoes to place a gentle kiss on her cheek. I can feel my lips shaking against her flesh, before I turn gently nuzzle my cheek against hers.
She's so soft.
I swallow, thickly, trying to hold back my emotions. "I will. I will try, Ooma."
You catch her as she turns away and wipes at her cheeks, "Be safe. Be smart. Be you. And last of all before I can't say it again, begone."
"Thank you." I say as I walk to the clinic door, unlocking it and pulling it open, before turning back to face her. "And you too. Stay safe." I smile a tight smile, unshed tears clear in the corners of my eyes. Before I can blink and let them fall I leave the clinic, on my way back down the shaft toward the Diamond.
Time to talk to Mot.
"I'm looking for a solution, it might take a few tries to find it." I look at Reese and I know, I know he'll have my back. I try to think of a way out of bringing him along though. "Reese, you don't know my whole story - I'm not, exactly, safe to be around."
I like Beckett, if it wasn't going to be Cinch, I'm glad it's her. But, I wasn't ready to go. Not yet.
Not without speaking to Esco.
He turns towards the main shaft, "Want to get your stuff and carry it to the mine entrance?"
I return his grin. "It will be good to have you along. I'll certainly be a good deal safer." But then I shake my head. "I can't leave yet, I need to talk to Esco and he's still out. I need to, I need to explain why I'm leaving." And try, try to air out this thing between us.
Honestly, I could use some rest between then and now.
I look over at Reese, and yeah, it will be nice to have him a long. "We are looking for people, not places. Let's not talk about it in Diamond though, alright? We'll just have to wait for Beckett and see what she knows. "