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[Snowpocalypse] Passing Through (S 3.4)
To Silica:
As you sleep in K2's bed, you enter a very vivid dream. You know it's a dream, it's one of those dreams.
You're in a safe place in this dream, somewhere that comforts you. Is there such a thing now? Is it something you remember?
Someone is here. A dark woman, filled with power. And pain. You know her, even though you just met her once. It's Melancholy. She's wearing a shadowy cloak, and the wind seems to move everything around her, even though there is no wind.
"Silica," Melancholy says in a voice tinged with sadness and finality. "My body is dying."
What do you do?
As you sleep in K2's bed, you enter a very vivid dream. You know it's a dream, it's one of those dreams.
You're in a safe place in this dream, somewhere that comforts you. Is there such a thing now? Is it something you remember?
Someone is here. A dark woman, filled with power. And pain. You know her, even though you just met her once. It's Melancholy. She's wearing a shadowy cloak, and the wind seems to move everything around her, even though there is no wind.
"Silica," Melancholy says in a voice tinged with sadness and finality. "My body is dying."
What do you do?
Comments
A safe place, yes. From long ago. When I was a young teen and father was busy, sometime I could sneak across the grounds to the basement of the other wing. It was quiet there, painted a calming sunny yellow. The little windows all had metal in them and there were old drawings and colorful plastic toys.
Felt like a place where I could be in control, I'd draw on all the old papers, paint the walls high as I could reach with these smelly tempura paints. I'd keep painting... was going to show Rossi one day, I figured I'd show her when she came home.
Never happened. Father never found out though, and I hid there for three days that time he nearly killed me until I just got so hungry I had to return. I wonder if he ever figured out where I was, right under his nose.
Melancholy? Fuck what is she doing here? In my place... this is a dream, but not really... Is it? I'll play along... sure, weird things happen... I know they do.
"Yeah? Well that sucks for you..." Does she think I fucking care? Why should I care? Shouldnt she be telling my sister? She all but attacked me in the graveyard, "why you tellin me?"
"Because I'm not ready to go, you little smartass." Melancholy snaps back. "I see you get used and abused alot, doncha? Well, I can help you with that. I can give you some of my power, before it all goes away."
It's obvious she struck a nerve and I just kind of lose it for a second, "hey fuck you! I'm doing... just... fine.. I do what I gotta do to get by allright?" By the end of the sentence I'm back more to a quiet sadness than anger though. That hurt, fuck... "You said a lot of scary ass... shit to me ok? You think I want that?"
"You're surviving when you could thrive." Melancholy says, with a little less venom. "I don't know what you want, but I know what you could have. You want to know how to do more stuff like you did to the guard at the Pier? I can help you. You're stronger than your sister. Even though she can mend bone and skin now. You're stronger."
Melancholy narrows her eyes, "There's a price. You gotta do some shit for me. Things that have to be done before I will move on. You help me, I'll help you. I'll make sure nobody drags your ass around, takes advantage of you. No more Frontie bullshit. You'll be strong enough to protect people you care about. Like Footie." She arches a brow, like she wants you to consider this hard, but she doesn't have much time.
What do you do?
Fuck her... talking like she knows me.
"No shit, I'm stronger than my fuckin' sister, ok? Think I neeld you to tell me 'bout it? You know how much shit I lived through... shit..." why am I telling her? This stupid dream of this bitch I don't even like. "Think you crazy old bitch got somethin' to teach me?"
I'm shouting at the air, or at a ghost, or at a shadow. The old sanitarium cellar around me painted with bright streaks of color and latticeworks of frosted light pouring through the iced-over windows of my memory.
"Huh? Wait up... why you fuckin' dying? Rosie with ya?"
"I'm dying because the Soulja Boys murdered Bond, and I'm going to murder as many of them as I can. They just shot me, just now, Silica." She pulls back the cloak, and you see bullet holes riddling her body.
Her voice grows more desperate, "I only have enough in me to ask one more time. Let me in, and I'll help you. I don't... want to go away. Jester needs my help. Rossi, too. And you know you do, too."
My father can open a man's chest and show me his beating heart... he can all but bring back the dead, no bullshit... he told me. He can cure the sick and this guy lost a hand in a knife fight one time? He put the fucking thing back on... seriously. He can do shit like that...
My father is the last man on earth, probably, can do these things... he would always show me... like he wanted me to say wow awesome, you're amazing... he needed to hear it.
Never asked me if I wanted to see... never asked me how the fuck I feel... just assumed I wanted to fuckin' know... to fuckin' be like him... tried to teach me.
But he's a fuckin' piece of shit. Piece of shit can fuckin' do miracles... fuck him.
"You remind me of my fuckin' father... I don't know what the fuck you're talking about but I know you don't know what I fuckin' need..."
It's in a dream... or something, but I feel myself standing up... turning to go.
"Hope your boy's allright... guess he loves my sister or somethin' you know? Real shit... I'll go find 'em... you got anything you want me to fuckin' tell 'em? I take care of it."
Your words cut her, and her position crumbles. She starts to fade, slip away into the maelstrom.
As you turn your back on her, you hear all the spite and malice drop from Melancholy's voice. She answers softly. "Tell him... tell him his moms loved him. Tell him to be happy. Tell him we said goodbye."
---------------
You wake up. In K2's bed. You feel amazingly rest. You've healed one segment, that should put you at 3 o'clock.
K2 is watching you sleep, or at least, she was. Standing over you, arms crossed, staring daggers at you. She mutters angrily, "What in the ever loving hell does he see in you?"
Suddenly K2's lookin' at me. Laying in this fluffy bed, soft all around... I wonder if I've been jawin' in my sleep or some shit. Did I really just talk to ... I reach up and rub my eyes. Ugh... I need to get better at waking up. I'm always slow at it.
I sit half up on my elbow and say to her, "the fuck are you talkin about?" And I'm surprised to hear my voice break, like... shaky.
"Hadden. I'm talking about Hadden." K2 snaps. She points a finger towards you, "You know, mom might think you're worth a damn, but you and I know you're just a junky slut."
"Do you even like him?"
I sit up and swing my legs off the side of the bed, stretch my aching shoulder. She's bothering the shit out of me... and I'm not ready for it.
"Hadden? You're the one fuckin' Hadden, Kaykay..." I shoot at her with a sidelong glare, "aren't you? Did you fuck him in this bed yet? Or what... your mommy won't let him come over to play?"
I stand, sort of circling her... I brush my hair over a shoulder, yeah, way better hair than her. Fuck yeah.
"Yeah, I am!" K2 snaps back, watching you circle her. Her eyes are burning. "I'm fucking him, and you can have your skanky Skegs and miners. Just stay away!"
She just out and says it, like that's the way it is. Kind of stings... why does it fucking bother me so much? Not like Hadden and I have something... right? I don't even fuckin' know what we got, but I just kind of snap back at her about it.
"Don't mean shit to me what old man's tappin' a hood rat like you, Kaykay. You for real?" I find whatever shit I mighta left laying around here, angrily pick it up. I keep glancing at her, can't stop... can't stop picturing Hadden... who still hasn't fucking shown up, has he?
"You got life all soft... you ain't better than me, bitch..." This fucking room... my shoulders slump slightly... so much going on in my head. I don't look at her... "Don't give a fuck what you doin' ok? You can have his sorry ass."
K2's snarls when you call her a hood rat, "You'd have it better, if you didn't keep diving into shitholes and pushing away everyone who tries to help you. You know, you're just an albatross. You bring everyone down with you."
I don't even fuckin' know what that word.. it's... I can't even answer right away, "oh yeah like you know..." I stare at her with open mouth for like half a second before answering, "anything about it... who the fuck is tryin' to help me?"
I raise my arms and shrug, "yeah washin' my fuckin' panties... big help. Gimme a rat's fuckin' bed to sleep in for a night... sure..." I take a step towards her, she's pushing buttons and I don't like it, "Great! Gotta wake up to your fuckin' face ain't worth it!"
"You really are stupid, Silica." K2 snaps, like she's fed up. "Mom, for one. Rossi, too. Hadden, even though it's a waste. Wonky's looked out for you, too. It's like, you're this fucking little lost puppy and they all feeling obligated to help you out. It's pitiful."
Ok, she mentions Wonky and that about does it. She may see my face turn suddenly hurt for just a moment as I suddenly shove her in the chest hard with both hands, I'm standing over by the door by now so she may fall back on the bed or something. I shout, "you don't know shit!"
Sure, she's fucking right... sure... but it's not like she knows the whole story... And talk about fresh wounds, I mean... there's only so much I can take. And yeah... Wonky wasn't just "helping" me. That's not on me.
Yeah, you shove K2 onto the bed. She should have seen it coming, right? But no, you're quicker than her. She pops up on her elbows, looking at you like she's seething. Instead of screaming, her voice drops down to a almost a whisper, "No, Silly, I do know." she says. "I know you're going to up and run off, again. Go get get high or run around until you get in trouble, again. Then somebody will put their ass on the line to help you out, again. And you'll spit in their face. I know. And I'm not playing your fucking game."
You hear Hitec knock at the door, "Hey, you two. Keep it down to a dull roar, alright?"
"Albatross." K2 says, then she looks at you. And waits.
I seethe at her, she's layin on the bed there... and I totally expect her to shout back at me, maybe even come at me. Adrenaline is flowing... but she doesn't. She stays down and just fuckin' keeps talkin at me... fuck... don't you know this fucking hurts? I'm about to say something about how I don't ask for help... though yeah I totally did coming here, didn't I?
Then Hitec knocks, which just takes the edge off my anger and then....
I raise may hands, palms out... "ok ok.... time out... what the fuck does that mean? Seriously?"
K2 calls loudly, "We're okay, 'Tec. We'll put the talons away."
Hitec calls back from the hall, "Alright. Be nice to our guest. You know your mom'll kick your ass if you chase her away. Again." K2 rolls her eyes.
She waits a moment, then, satisfied you two can talk without someone eavesdropping, she sits up on the edge of the bed. "An albatross is a bird, Silica. And way back, like hundreds of years ago, there was a poem. Like, a story. And these sailors thought an albatross following your ship, because there was water back then. Anyways, if this bird followed you around, it was good luck. But then this dumbass dude killed the bird. So, the sailors were pissed, and they made him wear that dead bird around his neck."
It's weird, Silica. Because most of the venom K2 had earlier, it isn't so much there when she explains the whole albatross thing. Maybe she feels superior? Or maybe she just doesn't get to talk about albatross's or whatever.
Then, she asks, "Why does that owl follow you around?"
It does feel like that. Gotta behave cause Hitec is outside. Which is weird cause you know, I wouldn't usually care. Hitec makes me smile with that comment about kicking K2's ass though. Now that's funny.
K2 sits up on the edge of the bed and starts telling me about the... the thing. I lean against the dresser, my butt on the edge and my arms sort of crossed. "Now that... is weird..." I comment about the bird thing, "who would do that?"
She's looking at me like she knows better.. ok... maybe she fuckin' does this time. Whatever... I'm tired of yelling.
"I don't know what'up with that stupid owl... I keep trying to catch it.... stupid fuckin' bird..." I manage a little laugh.
The I look at her. Her fuckin' face... "how'd you end up hookin' up with Haddie, anyways?"
K2 snickers at how you dis Lunch. "That bird is beautiful. Hardly any left." But then you ask about Hadden and she gets this giggly grin face. It's sappy and really probably annoying to see on her, all silly happy. "Oh shit, Silly. It's a trip. Mom took me out to Underlake Market, and I ended up hanging out with him. I... well, I stole something that I saw him looking at. And then he got super-fucken pissed, so I took it back. And I dunno, something clicked."
She rolls her eyes back in her head a little at the memory, then falls back onto her cushy bed, right where you were sleeping minutes ago. "He took me to this little steam room, and we titslly did it, Silly. Like, twice. It was incredible, didn't hurt at all. I mean, I was scared, but he was sofa king gentle. I think I had like four. You know, of them."
For a bit, K2 lays there, relaxed, lost in the moment, "I think I love him."
She's going on about how they met up, "something clicked", and it kind of softens my attitude a little. I'm still feeling edgy around her, always am, but not so much angry. K2 goes on about the steam room and everything, and the energy in her face as she talks about how they "did it" sort of makes me nibble my lip and lean forward a little.
She says she loves him. I walk over and sit on the edge of the bed so we can talk more quiet-like, "really?" I giggle quietly, a mischievous little smile on my face. I lean a little closer and say in a near whisper, "did he kiss you? Is he a good kisser?"
K2's defenses are down, you just know it. She giggles with you, "Oh hell yeah. He's like soft, and sweet, and then demanding and he just, you know, switches it up. I just..." She grins and makes like she's fanning herself.
"But it's, you know, more than fucking." She points this out quickly, all earnest like she means it. It's important to her to say that. "He's good to his people, and he's so in charge. You know, he really sticks his neck out for the people who are important. And... he's prolly gonna take over Underlake someday. His mom Tindy told me about her secret plans to help him out. She's so funny!" She giggles again, looking at you like she doesn't hate you anymore. At least not right now.
I find myself staring at her lips as she talks about him, thinkin' about it... Hadden huh? He's... nice. She probably catches a stupid girly grin on my face for a second before I remember not to show it.
"Seriously? Hadden take over Underlake? Didn't know he was legit like that... kinda... thought he's just good at takin' care of his shit... little shit..." I lean down close and tap her on the forehead almost between the eyes as I say the next, "like fuckin' you all soft and sweet..." I giggle, almost playfully. Not making fun or anything. I'm more than a little jealous, of her life and all that, too... but it's fun to hear about it. I mean, how often do I get to talk about guys with another girl? Not often.
I look at her face, seriously was she a virgin before him? "He is fuckin' sweet... ain't he... " I turn my face away from her, looking at my hand resting on my knee. The odd color beneath my fingernails... the little red fading scratches on my skin from riding the sled unprotected through the frost...
I say to myself, maybe my lips move but I don't way it out loud... maybe if she's watching she can make it out, "too sweet for me."
K2 nods, "Yeah. Hadden's awesome. I know why Nini kept him for like nine days." She giggles with you.
It doesn't seem she notices what you whisper, or she ignores it. She sits up, scoots closer to you, "Listen, Silly. Sorry I was a bitch earlier. It was, you know. Stupid. It's just, mom always treats you better. And then Hitec kicks me out of my room so you can just, up and take it. It... it made me go a little crazy."
She pooches out her lower lip in a comical sad face, and gives you sort of "puppy eyes" in an apology. But it cracks her up and she giggle-snorts a bit.
Out of nowhere, K2 switches subjects on you, "So like, I hear Jester is hung like a horse."
I don't do apologies. I mean... i don't give em and I don't hear them very much. I mean, you do the shit you do... it happened. Don't fucking apologize. But whatever...
"Ok... ok..." I turn to lean on the wall at the head of the bed and stretch one leg out along the edge of the bed and right over her lap, my calf resting on her thigh. Maybe I'm showing off my long legs... maybe not.
She comments about Jester and that makes me crack up, like actually laugh... "you fuckin' serious? Who the fuck said that?"
"Well, Tindy did." K2 says, all gossipy. "I think she's, you know, kinda easy." She giggles, "But then, I hear Jester is, too. You know all free love like his moms and all."
I giggle with her... which is weird.
But she mentions Jester's moms and that dream just comes back... like a slap in the face. She may or may not notice but the smiling expression slowly fades as I turn away a little bit. A long breath. I look up at the ceiling, the back of my head thumps softly against the wall at my back.
"Yeah..." I say quietly, Mel's last words softly echo through my head. I feel K2' warmth near me... at least that's kind of a comfort. Least I'm not alone right? "Fuck..." you know how sometimes you say that cause you don't know what to say and it comes out kind of heartbreaking... that's how I just said it.
K2's watching you close, Silica. She senses your shift in mood, and calms down, too. She doesn't stare at you, giving you space.
After a few quiet moments, she says, "You... uh. You gonna be okay, Silica?" The tone is just slightly concerned, not motherly at all. Just, you know, person to person stuff. Maybe a tiny bit more, maybe not.
"Never," I answer. It's something I've been saying for a while now, never gonna be ok again. I dwell on that thought for a second, then get it out of my head. I chase Mel's voice out of my head with other thoughts... if this were any other day I'd probably go cruising for some sex right now, go find Wonky or... someone like him.
But I don't want to move.
I tip my face back level to look at K2. She's pretty, sure... yes as you said, better tits... iI see why Hadden likes her, I guess. "Kaykay," I start, getting her to look at me and trying to see her how he might, really look at her.
"What about Hadden, huh?" I smile slyly and nibble my lip a bit, a tiny shrug of the shoulders and tilt my head inquisitively to one side, a sexy little glimmer in my eye, "like a horse?"
K2 does the WTF face when you say "never" with such finality. Normally, she'd snap at you for being a drama queen or something. This time, though, she looks maybe a little sad for you. She covers it right away.
On an instinctual level, she seems to notice how you're looking at her. She breaks eye contact, lays back on the bed. You ask about Hadden, and she answers quickly, "Well, yeah, he is. Pretty much. I mean, I've never seen a real horse, just pictures, and they never show it's thing. But when we did it the first time, and then the second, it hurt a little. He's really, ah, big. It was sorta embarrassing because he wanted to do more, and I kinda, well, stopped. It was just too much."
She takes in a breath, exhales loudly through her nostrils in a kind of sigh, "I was really worried about that, Silly. Like I wasn't good enough to keep up? He's been with lots of people. It was like... my first time. I mean, doing it for real. I just wanted to impress him. Show him I was good for him and stuff. I would do anything for Hadden. Cause I love him." She turns her head to look at you, her eyes open. You see it, right there, she just showed you her Achilles heel. Like a mark, just showing you a big, wide opening.
Wow... the way she talks about him is something. I'm not sure how I feel about just about anyone... other than my father. People aren't definite, they change, the come and go... mostly go.
She talks about doing it, a horse's thing... seriously, it's thing? Who says that?
"You sure how Hadden feel about ya?" I say, and open my mouth, about to say something about how K2 is just a kid to him... but... you know what? Hadden probably coulda had me that day he rescued me in his truck, if things went different. Probably coulda... and what did he do ? Drop me off at Squirrel's with the other kids... sure, he said some pretty words but look at what he did. Drop me off and go to fuck K2 intead... and she's at least a couple years younger than me.
So my intended sort of egging on dies between my brain and my mouth. Pisses me off... he picks her, too. Fine.
But I can't resist, I lean forward slightly and raise my hand from where it rests on my knee to gently brush up against the skin of her upper arm, "you wanna know some shit that'll drive Hadden crazy?" I smile at her, a sexy little mischievous smile. I wonder if she can handle him.
When you ask if K2 knows about how Hadden really feels, her mouth twitches a bit. A frayed edge, one you could pick at, peel away layers, if you wanted. Seems like maybe you do. "I... he said he cares for me." She stops herself from saying more, suddenly self-conscious.
Then you touch her, and she's looking at you, eyes wide. Not scared or anything, just pulled into your orbit, you being so close. You ask her about driving Hadden crazy, and she leans forward, nodding slowly. "Yeah, Silly. I do," she says quiet, but eager. "What is it?"
A grin grows across my face and I slide up, slipping my leg the rest of the way across K2's lap so I'm sort of sitting over her, one leg on either side. I look down slightly at her face.
"Ok, so I don't know what Hadden's into... and trust me, every guy's into something weird... something." I giggle, letting my butt rest on her legs, I put a hand on her shoulder and slide it up her neck.
"You love him right? So you're not just some street ride he's fuckin' Kaykay.... you're the girl for him... you gotta make him feel better than he ever felt before...you gotta give him the best fuckin' time of his life... lemme show you..." I slide my hand up into her hair, gently push her back onto the bed so she's laying down and I'm straddling her. I'm being more playful than outright seductive here... but it's not nothing.
I move my hips up and back a little bit like I'm fucking, slowly, sensually. Demonstrating how I might move when I'm fucking a guy I actually like. I'm speaking quietly, a soft, sexy little tone."You gotta say his name... most every guy likes when you talk to 'em... sometimes they like you to say crazy shit... and look in his fuckin' eyes so he knows you're into him..."
This might go on for a little while.
K2's eyes widen when you effectively straddle her. You touch her hair and she swallows, looking at your eyes, trying to figure out what's up. When you push her back, she falls back and snickers, like now she gets the joke. It's just a joke.
Her smile freezes as she looks down at your hips, at your crotch. She's totally taking notes. You see it, in her eyes, when she looks up at you. Right when you tell her she needs to look in their fuckin' eyes, she does just that.
"What... what kind of crazy shit?" she asks in a quiet voice.
I like how she's looking at me, in my eyes. This is pretty hot actually, and I'm getting into it, I lean back and show her some other ways to move for a couple seconds, then lean forward so I can speak quietly to her.
"Could be anything, he might want to call you another name, or pretend he's someone else... make you wear something he's into... just go for it..."
I move my body like we're fucking and lean down to whisper in her ear, my cool breath tickles her, "Hadden, come on baby.... your cock is so big... mmm... it feels so good..." I talk dirty to her like she's Hadden and I'm fucking him... go on for a little bit more, too. I find myself kissing her lightly near the ear a couple times, just getting into the weird roleplay we've got going.
I'm breathing a little heavy now, she can feel it on her ear. I lean back up so I can see her face again, couple inches apart. I look at her and smile... loving this.
She's drinking in every moment of this. It's hard to tell where the role-playing begins and where it ends. She does giggle a little when you say Hadden's cock is so big, but it doesn't break things off. In a way, the laughter opens her up.
Her hands move up to your hips, probably mimicking how Hadden held her, if he held her. If she had the guts to be on top. She closes her eyes when you lean forward and kiss her ear. The chill sprouts goosepimples across her flesh and she gives just the tiniest of moans.
Then you're just over top of her, so close. Eyes locked, your body rubbing her in just the right ways, the clothing between you not stopping any of the sensations you're both feeling. Her hands are flexing, gripping your hips and she keeps looking at you. Then, tentatively at first, she says in a tone that's not quite as husky as yours, "Come on, baby. It... it feels so good. Keep... keep fucking me so good." She looks up at you, like she wants confirmation. Was that right, like you did it? Would Hadden want that?
What do you do?
Yeah it is hard to tell, but fuck... she's getting into it and it's pushing me a little further, too.
"Oh yeah, you're so hot," I answer her with a breathy whisper and a little confirming nod, our faces close to each other... "Hadden's going to love it," I'm keeping it to whispers, this is just between us.
I hold there for a couple seconds, lick my lips while I look at her face. Fuck... I hate her so much... she's got everything. But.. I don't hate her really, do I? I'd feel something if she were gone.
"Show me... how he kisses you" I say, inching forward until our lips almost touch.
She's breathing a bit harder now, her body responding to your attentions. Her eyes are wide, flicking back and forth from one of your eyes to the other. She giggles lightly when you tell her she's hot, that Hadden will love it. This thrills her.
When you ask her to show you how he kisses, K2 takes a breath. It's like she's about to plunge into deep water, that breath. Then, in one motion, she's leaning up to close the distance, craning her neck to push her lips against yours, her shoulders rising up. Her hands move, too, sliding from your hips to your sides, then further up to cup your face, your neck.
Her lips are soft, like rose petals. They brush lightly, then part, and you feel her warm breath as she opens her mouth, breathing into you. A wetness, then, her tongue, which traces your lips, then probes forward. Boldly, showing you she isn't a chicken, she isn't afraid of you, Silica, she's kissing you.
And if Hadden kisses this way... you're missing out. Your body responds, of course. Little choice in that matter. But how does your head respond? How does this make you feel, Silica?
What do you do?
Fuck... what did I want to happen? Yeah, I wanted her to be afraid of me, didn't I? I wanted to be better than her... show her up. But she kisses me and it's fucking amazing... K2 is... damn. Fucking sexy as hell.
Now people don't know this about me but I'm not really into girls, not my thing... it's only happened a time or two that I had real physical feelings for a girl... only a very rare and special time or two and you know that didn't get as far as it might have. Who am I kidding? I don't let myself feel that close to anyone... but feeling is one thing... fucking is another, and my thing... my thing for fucking, yeah... that's guys.
So she kisses me and it's... it's good. It's fucking good... but that sucks, cause I wanted her to suck at this. Damn it... I'm supposed to be showing you somethin' here K2? Why...
I feel it inside me, warm, tight... her lips are so soft, her tongue.. shit.
I kiss her... return her kiss as I sit her atop her, take her in my mouth and probe into hers. It's deep and it goes on almost like a contest. Like I'm not going to let her win... I got this... fuck... I want her... damn it... but I don't want to.
I want to stop, want to run... don't want to admit this is good. She's good.. she's amazing... fuck! Why do you have to be good at this too? I close my eyes tight, not wanting to see her... imagine it's someone else. Hadden... anyone.
Damn it.
When the kiss finishes, I force myself to pull away and throw myself to one side on the bed next to her. I fall to my back, panting, needing... it's so fucking hard to disengage.
"Fuck..." I say simply... breathless. I have trouble looking at her... my face is red. I want her so much.
There's a long moment. Neither of you talking, after your one word, of course. She's lying on her side, looking right at you, smiling. A happy little smile, maybe a little proud.
A little laugh escapes her, bubbles up. "That... that was good, right? You like how Hadden kisses? He's so great. It's why I love him, Nollie."
I'm about to say something when she calls me by that name and it just makes me stop. Looking at her as we lay side by side, breathless. My mouth takes a few seconds to move, "What?" I begin, softly.
I go on, there's a tiny sadness behind the words, the truth I know, "Kaykay that's not my name..." It's not, damn it... I'd nearly forgotten, too, Grab... that face... the blood. Damn it.
K2 frowns a little, "Okay, okay. But I've always called you Silly." She reaches over to touch your arm. "So... did I rock your world? Or well, did Hadden? hee hee, since I was him." She cracks herself up, then rolls onto her back, looking at the ceiling, giving you some respite.
Well there's a confused little moment as I wonder if I heard her wrong or what... I know my brains' been kind of fucked up lately. Maybe it's me.
Still breathless from our kiss I answer her, "not bad, Kaykay." I lie. She was fucking amazing. "You still got a lot to learn but if I was Hadden..." I swallow and pause a second, damn it why am I encouraging her... "I'd so be into you."
There's a long pause, K2 looking at you, not sure if you're serious, even now. "Thanks. It... it means alot. From you." She swallows once, licks her lips, and even though it isn't in a sexy way, it looks a little enticing, right?
"You could have it soft, too," K2 says in a whisper. "I mean, stick around here, let mom baby you a little. Shit like that. I'd, you know, put up with it. If like, we could be friends. Or... whatever."
She raises up onto her elbows, "It's just. You know, we were pretty close when your mom was around. Not sure if you even remember. But, I do."
Yeah I catch myself looking at her lips again, I don't look away or anything. Why should I? I just kissed those lips and liked it. It's a little weird that it's K2.... seriously weird. But whatever, we're havin' a moment. Don't mean nothing, right?
She mentions sticking around, and my mother. She gets up on her elbows, I stay on my back for the moment, lost in old thoughts. "Kaykay we... whatever we were changed when we grew up... you know? I... lost touch with pretty much everyone for a while there... after." That terrible dark time when it was just Rossi and Me with father... then the even darker times after Rossi took off.
Finally I sit up a little to match her, "seriously, havin' me 'round is a bad idea... I shoudn't be here... just didn't know where the fuck to crash. I was just lookin' for Hadden... maybe he can figure this shit out." I look across the room in thought for a couple seconds, then let my head fall back down onto the bed, "shit's out of control."
K2 chews on her bottom lip. You're saying the same words back to her that she flung at you earlier. But now, maybe things have changed? "Well, if you gotta go... then take me with? Hitec'll let me go with ya, I bet. And if Hadden's in trouble, I wanna help."
I turn my head again to look at her. She's so fuckin' hopeful, trusting. Maybe she thinks as long as Hadden's around nothing bad can happen.
"Look," I sit up, scoot up and lean against the wall then pull my legs up and put my arms around my knees. My feet on the edge of her soft bed. "You don't wanna be seen with me.. ok? Serious... I got fuckers out there want me dead... no fucking around... dead..."
Shit why am I showin' K2 my weakness? Why? I'm supposed to be better than this, better than her. Stay here? I'm tempted... why the fuck not? I told Hitec when I walked in didn't I? I told her... it ain't on me now right?
"I ran for my fuckin' life to get here, Kaykay... I thought... I might as well wait here for Hadden as anyplace else... he's gonna come lookin' right? Lookin' for you I guess... nobody good lookin' for me."
K2 sighs in consternation. "Damnit, Silly. You're confusing." She rises up off the bed, all quick-like. "If you're the trouble, not Hadden... then hang out here. Like you told Hitec. It's cool." She snickers, "Well, round you, everything's cool, hunh?"
With a grin, she asks, "You wanna get some more sleep maybe? Or eat somethin?"
"That's awful," I scoff playfully. Like I haven't heard all the jokes before.
"I don't want to fuckin' sleep..." I stand up, stretch, both hands over my head and on my toes. "The hell do you do around here? Fuck... how long was I sleepin?"
K2 snickers again, proud that her joke miffed you a little. "You slept for maybe seven hours. Mom'll be back soon. C'mon, we can read some, if you wanna. Or, listen to music!"
She dives back onto the bed suddenly, onto her trim tummy, and worms her way to hang halfway over the other side, calling back to you, "I've got a player. No tunes like Squirrel, though. Better stuff!"
She's not looking at me by now, but I shrug in a sort of what the hell way and walk back over to the bed and plop down on my butt to sit next to her.
"Fuck Squirrel... what you got?" I ask as I lean over to try and see what she's after. I can't avoid the comparison, I mean... she's slim but not skinny (like me) and yeah I guess she has a nice ass and...
I try to keep my eyes on what she's doing there behind the bed and not on her body... this ain't cool.
K2 pulls a shoebox out from under her bed. She spends a second trying to pull it and herself straight up onto the bed, but can't quite do it. She plants a hand, then clumsily pulls herself up enough where she can almost sit up. She glances back to you, then grabs at your hand for support, and pulls you a bit as she manages to get the shoebox up onto the bed.
The outside of the box is red, with some weird check-mark on it and some writing. K2 sits cross-legged on the other side of the box and giggles, "This is so mag, Silly. Gonna blow your mind!" She pulls the lid up, and inside you see a small round grayish disc, lots of dings and flecks of paint on it. And a small black cord coming out, that splits into two cords that end in little speakers. The grayish disc, which is about as wide as your fingers spread out. Beside it, stacked in a neat row, and a whole bunch of silver discs. You've seen these things before, at Market. Often used for display, like in mobiles and shit. They have holes in the middle, easier to string together.
She pulls out one of the discs and shows it to you. Silvery on one side, a guy who looks a little like Oakley on the other, with some big words. "This is..." K2 says all presentational, "Flow Ridah. They were one of the last great bands before the freeze. New stuff, not like the shit Squirrel plays." She giggles and pulls out the gray disc and opens it up like a clam, slides in the Flow Ridah and closes it shut. After a second and a few buttons pushed, the thing starts humming to life.
K2 hands you a speaker. "Put this up to your ear, Silly." She demonstrates by putting the other one to hers. There's not uch slack between the two, you'll be pretty much head to head.
What do you do?
Cannot get over how weird this is... but ok, I help her. She even takes my hand for help. She's so excited, "Ok... ok... " I say, a little bit amused... not about to defend Squirrel but does K2 know music?
K2 gets the 'phones out and I'm like what the hell... I slide in close to her, sitting next to her on the bed, hips touching... I rest a hand on her shoulder to lean against her and use the other hand to hold the little speaker to my ear. She feels really warm but it doesn't bother me so much as some... but I'm sure gonna have to get outside for a breath sometime soon.
"Allright, what we got goin' on here?"
I listen.
K2 pushes another button on the gray disc, and the phones start spitting out this:
While she's listening, sitting close to you like this, K2's humming lightly. Her left hand rests on your knee, just there, not rubbing. She leans in, turns sometimes enough to look at you.
The song is obviously something she's listened to a hundred times over. She mouths the words and shifts her shoulders back and forth in a sitting-up dance to the rhythm. Occasionally, she bumps into you, and she'll giggle a little.
What do you do?
At first I don't really like the song, the part with the girl and everything. But then the guy starts singing and i dig that. And hey, Kaykay is moving and singin' and I can get into that. I like the feel of being close to her like this, even her hand on my knee... you know I don't usually like it when people touch me... hey I let it slide, even return her glances.
So I sway back and forth with her and we get into a groove together. Hell I even break a smile and manage to laugh a little when she bumps me. I hum with the beat, almost a quiet little beatbox kind of rhythm at the front of my mouth. I don't quite sing but I can get into this.
The song is near done and I have a thought, a grin on my lips, "come on, let's fuckin' dance!"
You suggest dancing, and K2 hops up from the bed and starts grooving. Of course, the 'phones are still playing. She's all smiles and singing the song more loudly now, since the 'phones are much quieter.
The disc switches to a new song:
How do you dance, Silica? With her? Near her?
We get up, the player in her pocket or whatever and the headphones around her neck and blasting so we can hear it just enough to sing. I don't really know the words so i just follow her lead and you know... I get the chorus down after a bit. That part, "oh-oh-oh sometimes I get a good feeling," is easy and awesome and I feel kind of sexy singin' that as I move.
We dance together, well, you know I dance kind of sexy-like, hands over my head or down my body, grindin' a little bit... but you know we're having fun here so there's playful turning and jumpin' around on the bed a little bit too.
Take her hands at some point and dance around together. It's not the kind of song that you get close and slow dance, so that's not a thing.
K2 giggles like crazy when you dance all sexy. She tries to mimic your moves, even reaches out to take hold of your hips at one point. It's silly and playfully and she's constantly watching you and smiling.
The song ends, but she doesn't let you stop dancing, egging you on. Then this song comes on, which has a groove that begs for a partner:
After a few moments, K2 says, "C'mere, Silly!" and pulls you to her to dance. She has one hand resting on your hip, and she's facing you, a dance partner. Her chest is flushed and she's having a really good time dancing.
In the back of your mind, you get the feeling this could lead to something. If you wanted it. If you wanted to complicate things with Hadden. Of course, if Handplant *is* due home soon, that is a wrinkle in there. Or is it an opportunity.
What do you do?
Coming down from the energy of the first song, we get into the next. Little slower, little more sensual. She touches my hip and I rest a hand on hers... we dance a little bit, slow down and get a little closer.
"Can you fuckin' believe this?" I ask, softly, a playful smile on my face, "never woulda... though we could just dance or... or anything... like this." It is unbelievable, and I wear that little smile you wear when you're totally blown away by something unexepcted and... well... mostly good right?
It's hard looking at her, she's sweet, sexy... and... could she be more different from me?
Well we're swaying to the music a couple inches apart and I just... I just slowly slide my hand up across her back, lightly touching with my cool fingertips up to her neck. I pull her gently towards me and venture a kiss... you know... just lean in and touch lips, my mouth open just a touch... she can feel my breath... just... see what happens.
This isn't dreams of Hadden here... not this time. This is me.. kissing Kaykay... I don't fucking believe it.
"I know, Silly," K2 answers when you observe how unexpected this is,"It's so..." she doesn't finish the sentence, doesn't have words for it.
Then you touch her neck, and goosebumps flare up. She shudders lightly, and giggles. But she isn't moving away. As you move in, closer, closer, she holds her breath, her eyes open and searching yours. She's frozen by you, Silica, unable, probably unwilling, to move away.
At the last moment, right as your lips touch hers, she closes her eyes, and leans into it. The music, the dancing forgotten, she's opened up to you. Then, you feel her lips close against yours. Open. Then, like before, her soft tongue slips against your lips, tracing again. She doesn't have too many moves in her playbook, it seems. But those moves, they're quite nice, aren't they?
The 'phones fall off her neck and bounce off the carpeted floor, the music nearly inaudible. It doesn't seem to matter anymore, does it?
What do you do?
My mouth teases open as she kisses me, our tongues touching, playing together. We're still exploring here, still not sure who's leading and who's following. Fuck it... it's me right? This is me... I love this... kissing her. But something deep inside me tickles at my brain, some kind of distant sad need which drives me to her.
One hand gently holds her neck and tickles at her hair while the other sits on her waist just over the curve of her hip. She's so warm, surprisingly smooth, we pull a little closer together, but it's awkward, we don't know quite how to stand and I'm used to being kissed by much larger people... if they bother to kiss me at all... and that's a totally different experience.
I pause just a second, just turning my head a little bit and our lips part slightly, I whisper through my breath, "I missed you..." and even I don't know quite what I mean but my heart aches and then I kiss her even more.
The kissing outlasts the song, then the CD. Teasing, exploring, tasting and touching. Her left hand circles around to your back, then slides up, under the cat shirt, against your cool skin. She alternates between tentative and unsure to bold and passionate. Each step moving forward. Ever forward to escalate further.
Then you tell her you've missed her. She languidly blinks and looks at you, pulling back to do so. A haze of lusty fog covers her, slows her reaction to that open, naked statement, that admission of need.
"I'm..." she says in a soft voice, her warm breath painting the words on your lips, "I'm right here." She looks into your eyes, clearer now, no less lost in the desire.
That's when the door clicks. K2's door. Someone is coming. K2 slips her hand off your back and whirls to face the door, her face flushed, breathing a little erratic. Handplant is there.
Handplant looks at the two of you, her eyes show a hint of surprise. She chuckles once, like "what the fuck did I just step in", looks down at the carpet. "Hey Sil. Tec said you came by."
I gaze back at K2 as she speaks, it's almost like I'm in a dream and can't speak. Only reach for her to kiss her again.
Yes, the intensity builds, she reaches up under my shirt, so fucking hot... I'm hungrily kissing her now, needing her touch, her lips. My hand slides across her hip and up just under her shirt onto her bare warm skin...
Then click the door and she whirls away one way and I suddenly take a halting step the other and steady myself with a hand against her dresser, the other hand nervously tugging at the bottom of my shirt to put everything back in place... trying not to wipe my mouth... awkward as hell.
I only look at HP when she speaks, "uhh... yeah..." my eyes follow hers to the discarded headphones, "Kaykay was... uh... just lettin' me hear some tunes." I try to smile, using a small cough as an excuse to wipe around my lips with the back of my hand in a little circular motion.
"I... had some trouble... was... uh... lookin' for Hadden." My hand comes to rest on the edge of my chin as I nod hopefully.
K2 pipes in with, "Yeah! Flow Ridah! She loved it!" She's falsely hyper, covering and doing a horrible job at it. You most def want to play poker against this girl.
"She did, hunh." Handplant says. She looks to K2, who gives a nervous smile, then to you. Back to her daughter. She huffs a breath through her nose, then says, "It's good to see you again, Sil. You staying for some late supper? Tec made some stew. She let your bowl cool already."
I lower my hands, exhaling and looking at K2 for a second. I look back at Handplant and shrug "sure... sure ok. Yeah... why not."
Handplant puts her hand on the doorknob, steps back into the hall. "I'm taking a shower. Why don't you, ah, join us soon, okay?" She closes the door.
As soon as she's gone, K2 lets out a breath she'd been holding. "Holyshit, Silly," she whispers. "I..." she looks over at you, breathing through her nose, not sure what else to say.
What do you do?
Soon as the door shuts I crack up, laughing through my teeth in a little hiss-hiss of a laugh with my shoulders trembling. "Holy. Fucking. Shit." I correct her then laugh a little more out loud.
If nothing else all this has gotten the physical stress out... I feel awesome. Loose, sexy... kind of hot still but you know... getting walked in on changes that up to something else.
I reach out to take her hand, just by the tips of her fingers, and squeeze, "totally forgot I hate your stupid ass." I giggle, just kidding around.
Fuck. Whatever the hell happened I like it.
K2 joins you in that freeing laughter, working out the knotted kinks of "what did we just do" and, just like a pair of teenagers, casting it aside as "just a thing". Or acting like it, at least. She grins that half grin of hers when you grab her hand and chide her, and replies, "Oh, fuck you, Silly. I curled your skinny toes." She looks away for a moment, then lets go of your hand.
She says quietly, "Mom takes long showers."
I slowly lick the front of my top teeth, the sharp one on the right, you know? And grin at her, "oh yeah?" Sounds like I've been challenged.
I glance at the door, then still grinning suddenly step into her to engage her in another kiss. Push her gently but urgently back towards the bed and down onto her back... gonna crawl up on top of her kind of like before, but mouths together, kissing all the while...
When you step in to kiss her, K2 lets out a little gasp of surprise. She doesn't fight you, giving in to your desire, your urging. Her eyes are darting back and forth, looking at your eyes, your mouth. She's breathing quick through her nostrils, trying to keep track of what's going on.
Then, she's on her back, on her bed. Her soft blankets underneath, you on top. Her hands move to your sides, snaking under the kitten shirt, touching your bare skin. Are you ticklish?
"Do you?" she asks breathlessly as she breaks off a kiss. "Do you think she was, you know, telling me it was okay?" K2 nudges at your chin with her nose, urging you to turn your head, then she leans up far enough to nibble at your neck while you answer her.
It tickles, yes... how she's doing it. Makes me giggle a little but that's more cause we're already kind of giddy and silly and that just adds to it. In general I don't like getting touched at all, my skin's really sensitive especially when I don't expect it. You might call me a little jumpy. Probably somethin' to do with the ice and how it makes people feel really fuckin' hot. I really like a light touch... kind of like she's doing.
She tickles at my neck, making me turn my head a little more. I answer, "who fuckin' cares..." I answer, giggling, and kiss her again.
He hands are on my skin, on my body, mine are on either side of her face, supporting me over her as we kiss... then I run one hand down the side of her face, fingers tickling her lips as we kiss. I feel her there between my thighs, the heat of her body warming me from below. Her hands on my back. We're soo close, I never expected this... Kaykay of all fuckin' people. Why does she get to me like this?
Wait.. fuckin' wait... I stop and pull my face back a little, just looking at her. My lips tingling, breath hard and fast.
Something... something makes me hesitate.
Images of that guard in your head, does that make you hesitate? Or how you peeked into Wonky's brain, learned all those dark secrets? Is that why?
K2 is about to let you fuck her, Silica. She's willing to do it, opening herself up to you. You've already marked her with yourself, your essence. She's tagged with you, your disease or whatever you are.
After all you've been through with KayKay, good and not-so-good, do you really want to lay her mind bare and see her darkest secrets?
She's lying there, looking up at you with those pretty eyes of hers. Her hands are at your sides, touching lightly. Then, with an impish grin, she grips the edge of your shirt, starts pulling it upwards. She thinks you want her, Silica. The question is - how much of her do you want?
What do you do?
Fuck... ok fuck, you know... why do I have to think about this kind of shit right now? Can't I just feel good about something for once? Seriously? Yeah, I can feel the connection, my brain reaching into her... I've felt it before and it doesn't feel nice. It feels violent, disturbing... I'm a fucking disease right? Fuck you too.
I stop her, sitting up a little straighter and placing my hand on hers where she started to undress me. My mouth freezes on the first sound for a moment before I can get it out, "Wait..." Suddenly I feel very alone inside, "Kaykay... I... can't we just..."
Just what.. kiss? What the fuck Silica, that sounds fucking lame even to me.
My mind searches, I feel slightly dizzy like I don't know which way is up. I swallow hard before answering through my still heated breath, "look you got Hadden, ok? I don't... I don't wanna fuck that up..."
When you stop K2, she stares at your hand. You ask her if you could just... she's confused. She's been following your lead, at least it was your lead to get her on this bed. But now, you're sort of rejecting her. All that desire wells up and she's worried about you, like maybe she did something wrong, misunderstood, something.
Then you mention Hadden, and she winces slightly. Closes her eyes, like she's trying to ward off a dizzy spell. "...yeah." Her hands retreat from you. She retreats from you, just like you wanted.
She doesn't buck you off of her, but she's not stopping you from leaving. She looks away from you, a little depressed or something, "You're not. Not gonna tell him? I thought maybe, at first, it was..." She pulls a hand up over her tummy, "It doesn't matter."
I stay there straddling her, but she starts to pull away, close herself off... I don't know what to say. I want this, I fucking want this so much. But... damn it why do I have to give a fuck about her? K2 must be able to see it on my face... I'm not great at hiding my feelings right?
"Look... Kaykay, this... ain't fuckin' easy... I..." I lean down over her, try to keep the closeness, "I'm fucked up... seriously fucked up in my head," I point at my temple like to emphasize what I'm saying. "You got somethin' good goin' with a straight up guy like I could never get... guy like Hadden... You know? Last guy touched me blew his own face off just like... like it was nothing... like touchin' me is... is fuckin' poison... Kaykay.... I want this... I fucking want this, right now... but it ain't worth it ok? You got something better'n me... I won't tell... I won't fuck it up for you... I fuckin' promise..."
By the time I finish I'm in tears, curled up over her, head on her shoulder... she can feel my body shudder... fuck... I just told her... told her too fucking much. She's gonna hate me again... Maybe even more.
K2 turns to look back at you, hearing the pain in your voice, it's impossible to look away, you know? She listens, even reaches out to put a hand on you, your hip, softly. Tears well up in her eyes when you call yourself poison, she shakes her head gently no, like she's so sad that you're saying these things. Even though she said that to you in anger, many times. But it's different now, you broke through somehow.
When you break down, lay your head on her and cry, she reaches for you, pulls you down to her. One hand on the small of your back, another on the back of your head, smoothing your hair, softly, like a friend. Maybe even like a mother to a child, in some weird way.
"Shhh, Silly," she whispers to you. She sniffs, trying to hold it together, to be unaffected by this raw display of emotion. But she's still young, still barely in control of herself. "You... you're worth alot. I only yelled at you so mean because I missed you, okay? I don't care what you did to them." Her words come fast, urgent, her voice rising with the emotion, "I don't! You wouldn't hurt me. You're not fucked up, Silly. And you're not poison!"
Suddenly, K2 bucks up, lifting herself off the bed slightly, enough to get your attention. Then, her hands are at the side of your head, moving down to hold your cheeks. She pulls you up until you are inches away from her. Then, tears welling in her eyes, she whispers, "You aren't poison, Silly." She cranes her neck up to kiss you, pushing her tongue into your mouth, pulling back to bite your lower lip. "See?" She kisses your cheeks, the tears on them specifically, "See? I'm fine. I'm good. You aren't poison, Silly."
Laying her head back down, but still holding your face, she looks at you. "It'll be okay. Me and you. I... I want this, too."
She touches me gently, which is shocking, and good. She holds me, K2 holds me... she starts to make excuses and I shake my head against her shoulder, eyes tight shut. As young as she is I feel even less in control... she's telling me things I never hear.
When is the last time I was physical with someone that actually gave a shit about me? Have I ever been? Fuck... have I ever been...
She kisses me then, again, a quick, deep kiss as if trying to prove something... I kiss her back, but then I don't... but then when she stops I reach after her like I don't want her to stop. "No... n.. no... Kaykay.. don't..." A long whine of a sound escapes me.. pure frustrated lost little girl not knowing what to do.
My hand fisted up I hit the bedding next to her in frustration, I try to pull away but she's holding me so gently. I'm all lost in tears and need... my cold little heart trembles. I try to breathe... it's not coming easy.
When I close my eyes at night I see blood... sex and blood and pain. And terror... every sound in the night is terror... I've barely slept in over a week, except here.
"I can't..." I say, meaning to get up and go and I pull away ever so slightly... but then.
I kiss her.
Damn it.
K2 flinches when you punch the bed, but she doesn't let go. You pull back, saying you can't, and she doesn't grip tighter, she'll let you go. She isn't forcing you at all, is she?
And you kiss her. It's soft and sensual and full of emotion. A person who knows you, the real you, the before the ice and before the weird mind games and all the fucked up things you've had to do, or what's been done to you. And that's who she's kissing, and she's still there. Behind layers of rough exterior, there's someone beneath and she's kissing her.
Kissing you.
What do you do?
Am I still in there? Fuck, how do you know?
I don't know either, but I kiss her... I kiss my old childhood friend and once enemy. I give myself to her faith in me. I won't hurt her... I know it. I couldn't. Right?
The emotions which have just swept over us drive us to another level... I want this... I give myself to this.
Please... nothing bad happen.... please.
The kisses grow more intense, and the passion is rekindled. In a furious moment, K2 sits up and practically throws you onto your back on her pillows. She giggles, then pulls off her shirt and drops down onto you. There's a tangled moment of undressing and K2's giggling and kissing and whispering, "C'mon, we gotta hurry. I want it, Silly." She's rubbing your body, pulling at your clothes and trying to keep you distracted, keep you sane and into the moment and fearless.
Does it work? How is it for you, going into this, in those moments before?
It's amazing.. and awkward, and if i weren't terrified of myself it would be great. But you know... I don't... I never felt this way for a girl before... I mean never in a way I could actually express . This is blowing my fucking mind.
Awkward... yeah that's a good word for it, but wow... she's got an amazing body. Soft. full, so few scars... other than the one I gave her. She's never done this before? Hard to believe... and she throws me down and gets on top and you know that... that helps. Makes me feel a little more normal... she tells me we need to hurry and that helps, too... gets my mind off my own fucking problems.
But inside... yeah... trying to lock that destructive part of my brain away, keep it from touching her. I don't want to see... don't want her blood on my face... her brains on... fuck... fuck Silica, don't think about that...
Yeah... this is good... look at her tits... can I feel them? Can I?
Well, K2 certainly hopes you'll feel them. She's topless, working on your clothes and rubbing herself against you. So, go for it.
I take a moment, just look up at her... help her with my clothes, my little owl shirt, my shorts... there's not much. I was just sleepin' right? And I sleep light.
So yeah, I got this... I can do this.
For some odd reason, once your both completely undressed, you lying on your back as she kisses you, K2 grabs a fistful of blankets and pulls them up and over the both of you. She giggles as she does it, the blankets close all around you and she is lying on top of you, so warm, burning warm, touching you all over. "It's our little place, Silly," she whispers as she starts kissing her way across your cheek to your ear. Then down your jawline, the nape of your neck. She dawdles there for a little.
To the collarbone, then down, down, down, across your nips, your tummy, bellybutton, down to your thighs. She's devouring you, Silica. But it is getting seriously hot down here. In her excitement, she's forgotten your special condition, hasn't she? It's a mix of pleasure and burning now, isn't it?
Then, she's kissing your most sensitive parts, and you can just lie here and enjoy it. She's so soft, hands and mouth all over. But it is hot, so hot. Your pores forgot how to sweat, no need for that in the cold outside. Right now, their memory has been jogged.
What do you do?
Kaykay pulls the blankets over us, having pushed me onto my back in her bed. This feels more normal to me... looking up at her. She calls me silly and climbs on me and it's like I can't speak, everything is out of control. I'm fighting with feelings of fear in my head but she's so hot, so confident all of a sudden... what happened?
I feel her body, her breasts... timidly at first, like... I don't do this, you know? With a girl... I touch her like I may be doing something wrong but it feels good... we feel good.
She goes down on me, I'm panting from the excitement, but also from the heat. I'm sweating, burning up. She knows what she's doing down there, "how the fuck?" I wonder to myself through a barely heard whisper, but the words mean nothing and I throw my head back in pleasure and try not to make a sound.
I run my fingers through her short, soft hair and feel her move and tease and tickle. "Holy shit, Kaykay... oh fuck..." I whisper to her, pressing myself back up against her as she explores.
She's totally in control here... somehow... if there was some kind of contest going on between us then I've lost... but I don't fucking care.
K2 giggles, a delicious, evil giggle as she realizes how much effect she's having. She keeps a hand down between your legs, touching and probing, and kisses her way back up. Her face is a little sticky wet. Do you kiss her when she comes up? It's so dark under here, no light, just bodies and blankets.
Kiss or not, she whispers, "C'mon, Poison Ivy. Say it's not so bad, huh? Not so bad? Okay?" She's doing her best to bring you to climax, Silica. She's in a hurry, so she's coming on all at once, teasing over, just touching and rubbing and kissing.
Go ahead and fire your Sex Move, Silica. I think this counts, don't you?
She's getting me there, totally... she climbs back up my body and asks me... I can only nod here in the near-darkness. There's no fucking words in my head right now as I begin to climax. I hungry grab her and kiss her, pulling her to my face... when is the last time I've felt so good?
She's in my head... and fuck... fuck... I'm in hers... I would try to fight it but I fucking can't... nothin' bad's going to happen... nothin' bad...
(Rolled: 2d6+2. Rolls: 6, 5. Total: 13)
The moment hits sudden, but it is incredible and so, so good. Your body seizes up for just a moment that stretches on for a little eternity. Just pleasure, liquid pleasure that rivals the taste of ice, is so much greater than anything Wonky gave you. It fills you and subsumes your being. Even your fingertips tingle for a moment.
This is what they're all after, when they grop and fondle you. This feeling, sweetness, release of all that's pent up and all the worry, just out, gone. Leaves you like air from a popped balloon. Bliss, nothing ever wrong.
All in a breath, a wonderful awesome breath. And nothing bad happened, Silica.
As reality seeps back in, the pleasure pulls inside you, withdraws, leaving a good heady buzz. You hear K2's heart, though. Undeniable. She opened herself to you, this is the price to be paid. No pain, but revelation.
I fucked Hitec, Silly. Mom was out and she got drunk and I totally knew what I was doing. I seduced her. A few times. It started to get, well, routine for a couple weeks. But then mom almost caught us and I stopped. I'm so scared to tell her. It wasn't love, not like... it wasn't love. I just wanted what she had. What Mom had. So I took it. Selfish. I'm so fucking selfish, Silly. I shouldn't have done it!
I think I broke them. It's like, I gave Hitec a taste of something new, and she's wanting more. Not me, but others. She's going to cheat on my mom, with someone else. I broke them up. They're already broken up, in Hitec's heart, but they're living together. I didn't think! It's killing me. I didn't mean to do that, I just... fuck. I feel so damn low. Living here, with them, in the wreckage of what I did.
It's stupid, me and Hadden. I know he wants to make me happy, but he isn't willing to give me what I need. It hurts to think of him with other people. I just want one person to be mine, to be theirs. I want what mom had, before I shat all over it. Hadden isn't the one. I'll say words and he'll say them back, but I know I'm not the one. It's killing me.
I'm so desperate for someone to choose me. Just love me, me as I am. I can be good for them. For you, I could be yours, Silica. Take me, love me, choose me. No more ice, no more running around, being stupid. Just stay here with me, we'll get a place and I'll be yours, anything you want. Anything.
You know... this whole thing, it opened you up a little, too. K2 might not have the talents to hear your mind, but the maelstrom is listening.
So tell me, Silica. Why do you take the ice? To feel powerful? To escape? To have a use? To stand out?
Her hands, her body, her mouth... she's made me feel so good. The best I've ever felt? Maybe... could be. And she's fine... she's... she's totally fine. I look down at her face, a broad smile on my lips... then I pull her up to kiss her again. I like the feel of her on top of me, her warm skin touching mine... she feels like liquid fire and it's delicious.
I've totally forgotten to make her feel good... totally forgotten. I feel her mind, though... I know her... Kaykay... that's why, girl? Is that why? I just try to breathe. I almost can't believe this... I almost expect to suddenly wake up.
"Kaykay... oh holy shit... I don't believe it..." I just kiss her between each word or two. I've never felt so relieved.
Hey... do you mind? I'm kind of having a moment here... I hold her, that moment of total exhaustion between pleasures. Why do I take Ice? Well... at first it was to escape... sure, it let me get away from everyone, everything.
But now... little bit of that, sure... but it definies me, you know? Every time some asshole calls me a little icewalker or some shit... you know that pisses me off... but it's better than what I'd be called without that, ain't it? What am I without that? Don't even remind me...
K2 giggles, "Ya don't?" she whispers back, kisses you, rubbing herself against you gently, just for the pure sensation of it, "It's pretty cool? You likes? Good. You'll stay tonight?"
There's a sharp knock at the door, then someone tries the knob, but it's locked this time. You hear Handplant's voice, "I'm out. C'mon, you two!" The tone is slightly annoyed, but not full on pissed.
What do you do?
I push my head back into the pillow so I can see her. For some reason the giggles are gone... like before it was all laughs but now I feel kind of strangely calm.
I nod slightly, quickly and answer her, "yeah.... yeah ok." I'll stay tonight.
The knock on the door startles us both and yeah, that gets a mischievous giggle out of me but then I roll out from under her and quickly start finding my clothes. I can get dressed in a flash, you kind of have to you know? I toss her discarded clothes to her before slipping my panties and shorts back on, I do it all while standing, quick-like. Then my shirt.
Take a couple seconds to wipe my face, straighten my hair and shit.
K2 is all business getting dressed, too. In moments, you're heading out to the hall together. Well, not together together, right? Just, you know, at nearly the same time.
You walk into the main area, Hitec and Handplant are sitting at the table, stew in front of them. One seat with steamy stew sits empty, then a fourth sits with cold stew. They apart. You'll be facing K2. Dutifully, K2 heads over to sit, I assume you follow.
As everyone starts eating, Handplant says, "Silica, you came by looking for Hadden, right? He's down at Underlake, some family thing. I'm heading out to meet up with him in the morning. You want to crash on our couch?" She looks over at the couch, the one where you had tea with Hitec earlier. "It's pretty comfy, sleeps well... don't ask how I know." Handplant smiles like that's a joke. Hitec gives this odd look away that makes you think it isn't so much.
We walk out there, yeah, "together." I'm kind of surprised how little anyone seems to be saying about what we kind of obviously were up to. Or maybe they're just that clueless... wouldn't that be funny?
I sit at the table and start eating. Then answer her, "uhh... yeah. I..." I look at Hitec, wondering if she told HP that I seem to be in some kind of trouble. "could use a place to fuckin' crash.. you know? Until..." until when? "until I figure out what's what." I look at K2 as I say this... a good long look at her.
Yeah, I know... they're not as happy as they pretend... I nibble my lip and avoid looking at them too deeply. None of my fuckin' business right?
Handplant bends her head down to slurp some stew. When you say you want to "figure out what's what", K2 gives you a little smile, a barely perceptible nod, too.
"Silica," Hitec says soft, looking at you, then Handplant. Not looking at K2. "You said you were in some trouble, right? Maybe you should tell HP. She might know a bit more, since she's been out in it."
That gets Handplant's attention. She looks over to you, puts her spoon down.
What do you do?
I'm leaning one elbow on the table, my forehead on my hand as I'm eating slow spoonfulls of stew. My eyes rise up to Handplant as she gives me her attention.
"Uhh..." just like that, "you know I was just... lookin' for Hadden... Think someone's looking for me... someone pretty bad..." I sit back in my chair, nodding that grave little nod that indicates how much of an understatement that is.
I look back and forth between the three of them a second, "it's... kinda out of control.. you know? Fuckin' bad..."
This is hard for me to admit. Really hard to basically admit I can't handle myself.
Handplant agrees in a pretty neutral tone, matter-of-fact, "Yeah, it's bad." She takes one last slurp of the stew, then pushes it away, wipes at her mouth with a small napkin. "You're wanted at the Pier for murdering a guard. Place is closed up tight now. Good news is, they don't range out much, and from what I gather, the guy was a fucker, so nobody's calling a hit on you."
K2 and Hitec gawk a little, not reproachful, just surprised. They did not know this. HP continues, "Frontie's fuckers know you capped Grab. Mostly because you went around showing off his fucking goggles, then left them at Monarchs." She shakes her head, like "dumb move", but you get the vibe like she isn't saying "dumb person".
"And Frontie's guys had no clue until the Skegs dropped your name. Which is pretty fucking odd, since I also heard," she glances over at K2 this time, sort of reflex-like, "That you and Wonky were pretty fucking serious. Riding all over. Fucking in the Polar room at Shedd. Causing trouble up north, too. So, if the Skegs were solid, they wouldn't have ratted you out. Because seriously, who in the fuck likes Frontie's assholes? That means somebody in the Skegs' got it out for you."
Then, Handplant is looking at you. She scratches her head, "And, if word is right, Stink Bug wants you on a silver platter because you gutted one of his." Again, surprise on K2's face, and Hitec gasps.
"I'm shocked you're still breathing, Silica," Handplant finishes.