He says he checked, and all I can say to that is, "are you.... serious?" Not expecting an answer of course. More confused by Mark, actually. Must have been Mark, right?
His hand on my shoulder is starting to really... uh... bother me.
"Um..." chatting about speedball... yeah I can handle that... right? "I... yeah ok... sure. Sometime..." I laugh nervously and wonder if I've just agreed to a date? Do I even do that? It's probably not a date... "that sounds great. You probably know lots of... stuff."
I squirm away from his grip on my shoulder, take a step back, all the while trying to smile and be calm about it.
Is Mi Sun still waiting? Watching me? I glance over.
Mi Sun's waiting still, she seems a little impatient, but it's not like the paste gets cold, so she can wait a bit longer.
Ezekiel takes his hand back, lets it slip down behind his back where he clasps it with his other hand. "Sure, yeah. I know lots, Ashlee. Speedball. Other stuff. Just, you know, hang out. It'll be fun." You hear Gams laugh with that weird squeal she makes, and Ezekiel looks over his shoulder for a moment, then back to you. "Alright, I'll tag you then. Thanks, Ashlee." He turns, leaving you alone, heading back to his table.
Mi Sun waits for you, curious about what just happened. What do you tell her on the way back?
That little laugh of Gams gets a sharp glance from me. It means... something... right? Laughing at me? My neck prickles and I decide it's best to get out of here.
I feel weirdly like I missed something and walk back over to Mi Sun, a little shiver of excitement in my shoulders as I try not to look back at their table.
As I reach Mi Sun and we start to walk together, I take a long breath before answering her silent question, "uhh... heeee..." drawn out vowels as I think out loud, "he wants to talk about the match. The... the speedball match. No big deal."
We walk silently for a couple more steps. I swallow and add.
"No big deal... right?" The last word comes out as a little squeak.
Mi Sun shakes her head, face pinched, "That's stomm. You really believe that, Ashlee?" She glances around, making sure it's just the two of you in earshot, then drops her voice, "Zeke is like the cutest boy in Pod eight. I think he totally just asked you out, Ash! You said yes, right? I mean, seriously, you did. Please, tell me you did. I need to vicariously live through your exploits."
No, I don't really believe that... I wanted you to make me feel better about it... fail.
I walk along, turning a bit more pale and laughing nervously, "I... I guess so? I think I did..." I did, right? "But seriously... if you're looking for someone's exciting life to live through.... me? You can do way better."
I smile and laugh, poking a little fun at myself.
It would be nice to get back to the safety of her room. Though... yeah Jace.
"I could do better," Mi Sun answers wryly, "But I don't like the more exciting people. Plus, you actually talk to me, so that's a plus as well." She walks with you, her pace slightly longer than yours. You turn down the last corridor towards Mi Sun and Jace's room. Mi Sun shakes her head a little, laughing with you, "He's really cute. I'm... I'm happy for you."
You enter the room, and Jace is in his bunk, already asleep. Mi Sun lowers her voice, "He always sacks out after a match. Even though he didn't play much tonight. Come on."
Mi Sun heads to her wall-closet and pulls out a couple blankets, carries them to her bunk, lays them on the floor beside. "I'll take the floor. You take my bunk."
She's sure being nice to me. It's lasted long enough that I'm not really worried that it's a set-up. But it is kind of out of nowhere. I guess it makes sense though... we're both... different.
When we enter her room I almost tiptoe, like if I make the wrong sound Jace will wake and then it'll be... weird. Really weird. She can probably see the tension in my movement, like Jace is a sleeping wild animal or something.
I should offer her the bed, her bed, but... no... I sit on the edge of the bed and smooth the blanket out with an open hand. My legs crossed at the ankles. Sleeping on their floor would feel too exposed... especially when I'm used to sleeping on the bottom bunk, closed in by my shade and Nadja's indifference.
"Thanks," I whisper, too quietly, "so... I really don't think it's like that. With..." I gesture vaguely towards the speedball courts with a tip of my head, "he just wants our... our pod's team secrets. It's gotta be that." I shrug and maybe blush just a little, "But whatever. I'll at least go talk to Ezekiel.... and see..."
He is totally cute... and he can handle himself on the court.... I respect that.
"Sure, it's maybe not like that..." Mi Sun agrees, but her tone's still quietly excited. "But what if it is? I mean, if he moves in close," Mi Sun steps a little closer, eyes focused on you alone, "And if he leans in... and tries to kiss you. Would you? Kiss him back?" She watches you closely, eager to hear your intentions, hoping to get you to open up.
"Zeng!" Mi Sun says it a little too loud, then giggles behind her hand. She rocks back, then moves over to grab the blankets and put them on the deck, making her bed. "Do me a favor? Think about Zeke when you go to sleep. I want to see Dream Zeke if we meet up in dreamtime. Won't that be fun? Jace dreams Ollie sometimes. Dream Ollie is really sweet." She shakes her head a little, "Nothing like IRL Ollie, but whatever." She grabs one of the two pillows from her bed and lays down on the floor, testing out the bed. "This'll work." Then she hops up again, heads to the bathroom to brush her teeth and prep for bed.
She startles me, but then it makes me smile, her energy. I watch as she gathers the blankets and hurries back over to make her bed and chat about dream Ollie. Not a real person, you know?
I see my things sitting where she left them, consider changing for a moment but... Jace. No, I'll wait for my turn in the bathroom. Not that I had privacy at the lab, but... yeah that sucked.
I stand and quietly pull down the blanket and sheet so I can get back in easy, can't help think of the mess Mark and Najda left in my bed. I shake my head and make a face... sigh.
Waiting for Mi Sun I take a moment to look at Jace. I haven't really been around a guy sleeping like that... he's so still. Except for his breathing which I can hear slowly as his chest softly rises and falls. I'm probably caught staring idly at him when Mi Sun returns.
That's a little embarrassing.
But... uh... yeah. When she's done, if there's no emergencies I'll take my things and get myself ready for bed.
You head to the bathroom, clean up. The mirror displays the normal details for the ship, recognizes you, of course, lists 0 new messages to your Navi (per usual). The bathroom here seems to have a little more water pressure.
After you wash up, you head back into Mi Sun's room. She lying down already, quietly relaxing, all her makeup off, wearing only a thin, long shirt, under her blanket. She looks up at you, gives you a small smile, but otherwise is into her own calming rituals.
Of course. Zero messages. But right now that's kind of a relief.
I walk out of the bathroom wearing my simple white tee and gray sweats down to the mid-calf. I quietly step past Mi Sun and return her smile as I slip onto her bed. I lay on my back for a second before remembering that I'm not in my zone of silence like with Nadja. I turn on my side so I can talk over the edge of the bed.
"Really glad this day is over... Mi Sun," I glance at Jace, distracted by his quiet, but present snoring, "did you ever have trouble with the corps? Seems like wherever I go these days corporal something or other is on my ass."
When you complain about the day, Mi Sun gives you a sympathetic look. Then you ask if she's ever had trouble with corps, and she gets a bit of a faraway look in her eyes. "I used to. Back when Jace, Ollie and I hung out. We were in trouble constantly. It was scary, but fun. Then I had the surgery, and everything changed between us."
She looks over at Jace for a long moment. "I became on the outside who I'd always been, and they just couldn't handle it. But it meant Rys couldn't say more than a couple sentences to me, like I grossed him out or something. I don't know what that's about, but it feels so weird. I'm still me." She hesitates, then looks back up to the ceiling, puts her hands behind her head.
"Sorry. Overshare. So, you wanna sleep?"Mi sun glances up at you, "I can try to join your dreams."
Overshare, yeah... but you know. It's not a big deal, or at least it shouldn't be. I hadn't asked about it... figured she's heard enough stomm about it. Jace is probably just... confused. He's so close to her. "Yeah... let's sleep... hmm. Wait so I sleep first?" Just asking, it's actually not a big deal, people watched me sleep for years... monitored me with electrodes and sensors. It's amazing how much you can get used to.
I settle into my pillow, instinctively scooting over to be up against the wall where it feels a little more secure. I roll over on my side, curl up a bit and think about sleep.
"Yes, that's how Jace and I did it. One of us would go to sleep, the other would encroach on their dreams. I'd go first, but you've never actually done this. I mean, you'd probably figure it out, of course, but I thought it would be easier this way."
Mi Sun watches you for a long moment. "We can just... sleep regular, too. I don't mind."
"Encroach?" nervous laugh. That's not a nice word.
We hold that look for a long moment, then i lower my head and settle in. "I'll try and sleep, ok? You do what you wanna do..." I take a deep breath and let it out slow.... then say quietly towards the ceiling. "My dreams aren't always nice."
I have to remember, somehow, not to let her see too much... if this even works at all. From what she's described, though, she's not going to be able to see too clearly.
Mi Sun nods her understanding and looks away to give you some semblance of quiet solitude. You settle into her bunk, which smells faintly like her. Not the pillow, but the fitted sheet does. It's clean, true, maybe you're just super sensitive.
When you finally drift off to sleep, you fall into one of your more disturbing recurring dreams, memories of the lab. Describe what we see, Ashlee.
Also, if you wish to open your dreams for a psychic to enter roll with Dark. On a hit, they can enter, if they wish. On a 10+, you control what they see.
I'm pretty sensitive to little things. Boredom... repetition. Years spent in a single room between hours or days spent in macabre experiments. You get used to how things feel, smell, sound, and when they're not just right it stands out.
This isn't my bed, not my room, not Nadja's sounds, or smells... the bed is the other way round. It's wide open where mine is closed off. There's two more people here... one of them is a guy, even.
I'm quetly fretting about all that but eventually manage to fall asleep curled up against the wall next to Mi Sun's bed.
--
The doctor pulls me, crying from my bunk. I couldn't tell you exactly how old I was the first time this happened... but I pull and yank and protest against his strength, his hand around my wrist. I stand about as tall as his waist so... it wasn't long after they left me here.
Next is a room, circular, full of weird, dark shapes at odd angles, enough lights that I can't look away from them. I'm made to sit on an uncomfortable stool, place my hands on a bar... it's almost like riding a bike, not that that memory would have much meaning to us. A strap is tied around each wrist, ensuring that I can't let go... for some reason the little snap..... snap-snap sound of the restraints being secured is burned into my head as one of my sharper memories.
The "doctors" file out of the room, a technician checks me over one last time and leaves. All she says to me is, "just try to relax." She closes the heavy door behind her. It's silent... quiet enough that I can hear the buzzing of the lights... my own breathing... the beating of my own heart.
I struggle against the straps, pull with all my meager strength but I can't break free... then without warning the light go out and I'm in utter darkness. I scream and struggle against the uncomfortable straps and slip from the chair, a bloody scrape along my thigh, one foot can barely touch the floor. I don't think it was supposed to be like this... this... I would realize years later that this thing was made for an adult, of course. I just slipped out from the restraints on the seat.
Time passes... I cry and struggle until I just can't any more... I'm still not sitting right, my arms stretched out too much, crooked in the seat with one leg straight and the other out at the wrong angle. It's just... pain. And silence.... and utter dark...
Forever passes and I remember feeling, eventually, that I'm not alone in here... I can feel something in the dark. Something slithering around me. I feel it... hear it's awful breath.... it's awful heart beating (or is it mine?)
Again I scream and struggle but nobody... ever came.
---
Usually I wake about now... after only moments which feel like forever... but I get a glimpse of the manifest as they carry me, limp and trembling, from the chamber.
The presence slowly faded in, Ashlee. You saw something in the corner of your vision. There, and gone when you turned your head. Everything else like it has been every dream. You hear a soft gasp of surprise when they pick you up and carry you.
That's when you see Mi Sun, slipping into focus. She's watching this with a look of absolute horror on her face. She moves after you as they carry you.
Where are they taking you? Do you ever reach that place, or does this start over again?
Usually I wake up... but I lived this. And Mi Sun's presence with me makes it last.
They carry me (I'm never sure who carries me, after the test it's hard to know what's real and what isn't) through a hall painted a clinical green back to my room. A small, spartan room not unlike one of our dorm rooms, but with less decoration, and one wall entirely of mirrored glass threaded through with some sort of carbon filament in a diamond-grid.
I'm placed on my bunk where I curl up against the wall... like I do. I'm nauseous, have to throw up but there's nothing. My vision's blurry and my mind clouded as I tremble and still fail to understand why my parents left me here.
Whoever it is must have noticed my injury, sighs in annoyance, and takes a moment to clean the dried blood from that scrape on my leg and apply some kind of press-on bandage.
Before long I'm left alone... but not really. They're watching through the glass, recording, observing. Wondering why I don't manifest any detectable signals... maybe my parents lied to get rid of a problem child. They're going to have to push harder. Figure out what really gets in my head. What really breaks me. It will take years.
And yeah, it'll all start again, this moment or another. The nightmares never end.
"Ashlee!" Mi Sun screams. Somehow you know it's not the first time she's called your name, it's just the first time you heard it. "Ashlee, is this real? Is this what happened to you? This looks familiar, it's on the ship, right? Talk to me!" She's moving into the room, she's coming for you. Ignoring the attendant who ignores her right back.
Wait... she's here? Here in the lab? Mi Sun was calling to me all along. Was it her in the deprivation chamber? The attendant is still there, shaking her head... Mi Sun is here... there.... then?
I stir from the bed, where I'm curled up just as I am in her room... today. In my dream I'm just a small girl, but also I'm not... my mind is my own. Somewhere between, maybe.
"M...Mi Sun? No... you shouldn't see this!" I cry out, surprised to hear my voice as small as I sounded years ago. I curl up and hide my head, ashamed (why?) of being seen here. I didn't want her to see.... this.
Wake up... wake up... wake up Ashlee.... please just wake up.
Mi Sun's there, rushing to your bed. You feel her weight on the bed, it creaks in protest. You feel her hands on your arms, pulling you to her. "They did this to you? Oh gods, Ashlee, I'm so sorry." She's crying, too, struck by the misery here, horrified by your life. She had no idea.
Mi Sun holds you, Ashlee, fulfilling that ache, but the pain doesn't go away completely, does it? She tries to comfort you, speaking low, into your ear, "Ashlee, this is an awful place. I'm so so sorry." She rubs your back, "Listen... I can take you out of here. Dream you into somewhere nice. Like... a beach. Or sitting by a lake. Even with, uhm, with someone you like. Would you like that?"
I don't remember Mi Sun being so much taller than me. I'm confused about where we are, when we are. When she puts her arms around me I instinctively lean into her, curling into her arms.
I close my eyes and shudder with years of pent-up pain. It's a closeness I haven't felt in... well... I can't even remember when.
I barely hear her words.
I nod my head and through my cries I answer, "just... just get me out of here... anywhere! I never want to see this place again!"
Mi Sun picks you up in her arms with surprising ease. In a moment, you feel a whoosh of something, like movement, the unsettling swish of your bowels during a hard gravity shift, something like that.
Then... When you open your eyes, you're sitting on a mossy bank overlooking something unreal and beautiful.
You aren't alone, either. Ashlee, sitting beside you is Mark Larsen, shirtless, sitting there comfortably beside you. His eyes are on you, like you're the most amazing thing here, and he's smiling.
"Hi... Ash." he says softly, looking in your eyes with his beautiful blue ones. "It's okay now. You're safe. Everything's going to be alright. I promise."
Seriously. I don't even know how to react to this. Later I'll probably wonder about Mi Sun's function charts and test aptitudes and all that... but right now... I know it's a dream. Of course. But...
I still stare out at the beautiful... pink and lavender sky. I can feel wind on my face. Hear the birds... the uh... whales?
Wait is Mi Sun here?
I wouldn't think of my own clothes, that's just not something on my mind. Probably I'm wearing what I would be in life. Pants cut to the mid-calf, printed tee. Bare feet. Simple shipboard colors... pretty much all I've known.
It startles me when Mark speaks... dreams aren't usually so clear... but why... Mark? I stare at him, kind of agape and confused at the same time. Why the hell would Mark of all people find his way into my dream?
"I'm... uh..." the call of the whales distracts me, "yeah... you know.... this is beautiful... isn't it?"
I feel just as awkward as ever. Even more so maybe here in this not-unpleasant weirdness.
Mark nods, a twinkle in his eye. "Yes. It is." A gentle breeze comes, blowing his hair lazily, tickling the hair at your neck. "Do you feel better now? Calmer?" He reaches a hand up to brush your cheek, that smile still playing at his lips. "Would you rather.. Zeke be here?"
The little hairs on my neck tickle in the breeze and I stumble over my words, weirdly feeling my toes in the sand of the other-worldy beach we find ourselves on. I turn away slightly as he touches my cheek.
Zeke?
My eyes narrow a bit, "Mi Sun? Ok just..." I sigh and look out over the clouds, I'm not angry, really more impressed than anything. "Enough of this... it's you, right?" Realizing the dream somehow changes it, doesn't it? I'm sure I'm right... and that makes things... less real. I'm getting over my panic attack and my brain is starting to work again.
I reach up and take "his" hand by the wrist, gently, but firmly.
"It is you." I try to see through the dream. I know it's her... she's the only one I've heard call Ezekiel that name... and who else would be here.
I wonder. If we woke up right now would we be holding hands?
Mark looks down at his wrist, your hand. "Uh huh, it's me." The clouds stop moving, the wind dies. Mark's perfectly formed brows arch quizzically, "What's wrong? I thought you'd like this, Ashlee."
"I don't need... this," I look out over the dreamscape, a melancholy little smile on my lips, "I don't know how you did this... it's amazing. But I don't want this... I don't want Mark... or... not Mark. Mi Sun... I'm sorry you had to see that... I didn't believe you could see... do... this much..."
I'm not staying here. Maybe she's horribly misjudged me... maybe she was trying, in some weird... unreality way, to make out with me... or maybe she was just trying her best. I hope that's it. I'll hold onto that.
I try to see through her mask, see her through Mark... I take both of her hands,"Mi Sun... come on. We gotta wake up."
You see through the skin of Mark, see the spirit of Mi Sun underneath. See her scars from the shattered glass of old mirrors that never showed her true self, the person she is now.
You see her brother turning away from her, refusing to see who she is now, who she always was.
Then you're above Mi Sun as she falls, falling forever without someone, anyone, to offer a hand. Lost and alone, she claws at anything close, nails digging into the pieces she can touch, desperate to find purchase.
You reach for her, Ashlee, through the haze of her semblance as Mark, past her insecurities, and grasp her wrist. The illusion fades, and you're suddenly awake. Seems like it, the same hum of the ship, and you're lying on Mi Sun's bunk, your hand holding her wrist as she sleeps beneath you.
She's awake, too, looking up at you with fearful eyes and that shame that you see more clearly than ever.
I slide closer and slip off of the bed onto the floor with her, keep hold of her hand.
"Some pretty gnarly stomm," I whisper, laying down on my side so we can look at each other. My eyes are red and I'm a little wet with sweat, "but it's all right... don't worry. You stayed with me in there... Mi Sun... I won't leave you alone." My voice almost cracks as speak quietly over the living hum of the ship.
I squeeze her hand, nod and smile a little melancholy smile that I hope comes across as supportive.
Mi Sun stares at you for a long moment before she finally relaxes a little, nods, then agrees quietly with, "Okay." She watches you in the dim light, her eyes picking up the ambient glow from the corridor outside that leaks around the edges of her door. In a soft whisper, she asks, "Why were you... in that lab? You didn't look sick. Was it..." She taps her temple with a finger.
It hits me in my stomach, suddely feeling a little sick. A little dizzy... she did see too much. But... she doesn't seem afraid. Her eyes gleam in the meager light.
I sigh, can't quite keep my eyes on hers... shameful secret, right? My eyes follow her little gesture, which says so much.
"Uh..." I swallow, my mouth suddenly dry, "s... something like that... I wasn't sick."
Mi Sun keeps looking at you, watching your reaction like she's reading a book. She gently pulls her hand away, but stays near you. She whispers, "It's ok, Ashlee. You can trust me, alright? What did... what were they doing to you? Those tests? Were they making you, ah, like Jace and me? Or trying to... trying to figure out what you can do? Or what?"
Can I? Maybe. "You know... it's not like they told me why..." I choke up a little with the emotion of finally talking to someone about this, "I guess... see what I can do. Figure out how to suppress me. I heard them use that word a lot... suppress."
I slip an arm up under my head and lay there on my side regarding her reaction.
"I thought... maybe you had a little touch of... it." I tap my head with my free hand like she did, "but wow... Mi Sun. More than a touch... you're lucky to be out here." I smile sadly and nod, a little puff of air escapes my nostrils. "Lucky you have Jace. Really."
Mi Sun agrees with a soft grunt followed by a little nod. "We've kept each other safe all our lives. But hey, Ashlee. You've got me now, too. We can keep them from suppressing us. As for my touch, well, it's only ever been dreams until you came around. I mean, I have some sense for Jace, but I think that's a brother, ah, sister thing. We shared a womb, you know. Kind of thing." She waggles her head like she hasn't really thought about it too much.
I tilt my head a touch, nuzzling into my own crooked elbow. "It's a thing.... all right... well... just keep it quiet. There's still people in opsec who would probably be happy to..." I shudder to think of what they would actually do, instead I boil it down to basics, "to... poke you with a stick just to see what happens."
I try to joke about it, but it's real, "Mi Sun, I've been trying to hide... here with all of you. I'm not supposed to be here. But... sometimes it feels like they know exactly where I am... So why am I still here?"
"I dunno, Ashlee," Mi Sun answers quietly as she sits up, scoots closer so she can whisper. "What if like... this is all part of an experiment? We're all a big stick poking you right now?" A hint of a frown slides onto her face and she shifts uncomfortably. "What if they know about Jace and me because of you?" The question comes out hollow, like the dread creeps into it at the end.
Comments
(Rolled: 2d6+1. Rolls: 4, 3. Total: 8)
Mark,
Please go here.
He says he checked, and all I can say to that is, "are you.... serious?" Not expecting an answer of course. More confused by Mark, actually. Must have been Mark, right?
His hand on my shoulder is starting to really... uh... bother me.
"Um..." chatting about speedball... yeah I can handle that... right? "I... yeah ok... sure. Sometime..." I laugh nervously and wonder if I've just agreed to a date? Do I even do that? It's probably not a date... "that sounds great. You probably know lots of... stuff."
I squirm away from his grip on my shoulder, take a step back, all the while trying to smile and be calm about it.
Is Mi Sun still waiting? Watching me? I glance over.
"Hey.... so. Just tag my Navi ok? Whenever..."
Ashlee,
Mi Sun's waiting still, she seems a little impatient, but it's not like the paste gets cold, so she can wait a bit longer.
You hear Gams laugh with that weird squeal she makes, and Ezekiel looks over his shoulder for a moment, then back to you. "Alright, I'll tag you then. Thanks, Ashlee." He turns, leaving you alone, heading back to his table.
Mi Sun waits for you, curious about what just happened. What do you tell her on the way back?
That little laugh of Gams gets a sharp glance from me. It means... something... right? Laughing at me? My neck prickles and I decide it's best to get out of here.
I feel weirdly like I missed something and walk back over to Mi Sun, a little shiver of excitement in my shoulders as I try not to look back at their table.
As I reach Mi Sun and we start to walk together, I take a long breath before answering her silent question, "uhh... heeee..." drawn out vowels as I think out loud, "he wants to talk about the match. The... the speedball match. No big deal."
We walk silently for a couple more steps. I swallow and add.
"No big deal... right?" The last word comes out as a little squeak.
Ashlee,
No, I don't really believe that... I wanted you to make me feel better about it... fail.
I walk along, turning a bit more pale and laughing nervously, "I... I guess so? I think I did..." I did, right? "But seriously... if you're looking for someone's exciting life to live through.... me? You can do way better."
I smile and laugh, poking a little fun at myself.
It would be nice to get back to the safety of her room. Though... yeah Jace.
Ashlee,
You enter the room, and Jace is in his bunk, already asleep. Mi Sun lowers her voice, "He always sacks out after a match. Even though he didn't play much tonight. Come on."
Mi Sun heads to her wall-closet and pulls out a couple blankets, carries them to her bunk, lays them on the floor beside. "I'll take the floor. You take my bunk."
What do you do?
She's sure being nice to me. It's lasted long enough that I'm not really worried that it's a set-up. But it is kind of out of nowhere. I guess it makes sense though... we're both... different.
When we enter her room I almost tiptoe, like if I make the wrong sound Jace will wake and then it'll be... weird. Really weird. She can probably see the tension in my movement, like Jace is a sleeping wild animal or something.
I should offer her the bed, her bed, but... no... I sit on the edge of the bed and smooth the blanket out with an open hand. My legs crossed at the ankles. Sleeping on their floor would feel too exposed... especially when I'm used to sleeping on the bottom bunk, closed in by my shade and Nadja's indifference.
"Thanks," I whisper, too quietly, "so... I really don't think it's like that. With..." I gesture vaguely towards the speedball courts with a tip of my head, "he just wants our... our pod's team secrets. It's gotta be that." I shrug and maybe blush just a little, "But whatever. I'll at least go talk to Ezekiel.... and see..."
He is totally cute... and he can handle himself on the court.... I respect that.
"Just don't expect too much."
Ashlee,
She watches you closely, eager to hear your intentions, hoping to get you to open up.
What do you do?
I can't help but look away, down at my knees, I can hear Jace breathing and I'm so aware that we're not really alone.
"I don't... I don't know..." I fidget, "...maybe."
I glance up at her eyes. Why is she so into this?
Ashlee,
Then she hops up again, heads to the bathroom to brush her teeth and prep for bed.
She startles me, but then it makes me smile, her energy. I watch as she gathers the blankets and hurries back over to make her bed and chat about dream Ollie. Not a real person, you know?
I see my things sitting where she left them, consider changing for a moment but... Jace. No, I'll wait for my turn in the bathroom. Not that I had privacy at the lab, but... yeah that sucked.
I stand and quietly pull down the blanket and sheet so I can get back in easy, can't help think of the mess Mark and Najda left in my bed. I shake my head and make a face... sigh.
Waiting for Mi Sun I take a moment to look at Jace. I haven't really been around a guy sleeping like that... he's so still. Except for his breathing which I can hear slowly as his chest softly rises and falls. I'm probably caught staring idly at him when Mi Sun returns.
That's a little embarrassing.
But... uh... yeah. When she's done, if there's no emergencies I'll take my things and get myself ready for bed.
Ashlee,
You head to the bathroom, clean up. The mirror displays the normal details for the ship, recognizes you, of course, lists 0 new messages to your Navi (per usual). The bathroom here seems to have a little more water pressure.
After you wash up, you head back into Mi Sun's room. She lying down already, quietly relaxing, all her makeup off, wearing only a thin, long shirt, under her blanket. She looks up at you, gives you a small smile, but otherwise is into her own calming rituals.
Jace is snoring lightly, completely out of it.
Of course. Zero messages. But right now that's kind of a relief.
I walk out of the bathroom wearing my simple white tee and gray sweats down to the mid-calf. I quietly step past Mi Sun and return her smile as I slip onto her bed. I lay on my back for a second before remembering that I'm not in my zone of silence like with Nadja. I turn on my side so I can talk over the edge of the bed.
"Really glad this day is over... Mi Sun," I glance at Jace, distracted by his quiet, but present snoring, "did you ever have trouble with the corps? Seems like wherever I go these days corporal something or other is on my ass."
Ashlee,
She looks over at Jace for a long moment. "I became on the outside who I'd always been, and they just couldn't handle it. But it meant Rys couldn't say more than a couple sentences to me, like I grossed him out or something. I don't know what that's about, but it feels so weird. I'm still me." She hesitates, then looks back up to the ceiling, puts her hands behind her head.
"Sorry. Overshare. So, you wanna sleep?"Mi sun glances up at you, "I can try to join your dreams."
Overshare, yeah... but you know. It's not a big deal, or at least it shouldn't be. I hadn't asked about it... figured she's heard enough stomm about it. Jace is probably just... confused. He's so close to her.
"Yeah... let's sleep... hmm. Wait so I sleep first?" Just asking, it's actually not a big deal, people watched me sleep for years... monitored me with electrodes and sensors. It's amazing how much you can get used to.
I settle into my pillow, instinctively scooting over to be up against the wall where it feels a little more secure. I roll over on my side, curl up a bit and think about sleep.
"Goodnight... let's see what happens."
Ashlee,
Mi Sun watches you for a long moment. "We can just... sleep regular, too. I don't mind."
What do you do?
"Encroach?" nervous laugh. That's not a nice word.
We hold that look for a long moment, then i lower my head and settle in.
"I'll try and sleep, ok? You do what you wanna do..." I take a deep breath and let it out slow.... then say quietly towards the ceiling. "My dreams aren't always nice."
I have to remember, somehow, not to let her see too much... if this even works at all. From what she's described, though, she's not going to be able to see too clearly.
Ashlee,
Mi Sun nods her understanding and looks away to give you some semblance of quiet solitude. You settle into her bunk, which smells faintly like her. Not the pillow, but the fitted sheet does. It's clean, true, maybe you're just super sensitive.
When you finally drift off to sleep, you fall into one of your more disturbing recurring dreams, memories of the lab. Describe what we see, Ashlee.
Also, if you wish to open your dreams for a psychic to enter roll with Dark. On a hit, they can enter, if they wish. On a 10+, you control what they see.
I'm pretty sensitive to little things. Boredom... repetition. Years spent in a single room between hours or days spent in macabre experiments. You get used to how things feel, smell, sound, and when they're not just right it stands out.
This isn't my bed, not my room, not Nadja's sounds, or smells... the bed is the other way round. It's wide open where mine is closed off. There's two more people here... one of them is a guy, even.
I'm quetly fretting about all that but eventually manage to fall asleep curled up against the wall next to Mi Sun's bed.
--
The doctor pulls me, crying from my bunk. I couldn't tell you exactly how old I was the first time this happened... but I pull and yank and protest against his strength, his hand around my wrist. I stand about as tall as his waist so... it wasn't long after they left me here.
Next is a room, circular, full of weird, dark shapes at odd angles, enough lights that I can't look away from them. I'm made to sit on an uncomfortable stool, place my hands on a bar... it's almost like riding a bike, not that that memory would have much meaning to us. A strap is tied around each wrist, ensuring that I can't let go... for some reason the little snap..... snap-snap sound of the restraints being secured is burned into my head as one of my sharper memories.
The "doctors" file out of the room, a technician checks me over one last time and leaves. All she says to me is, "just try to relax." She closes the heavy door behind her. It's silent... quiet enough that I can hear the buzzing of the lights... my own breathing... the beating of my own heart.
I struggle against the straps, pull with all my meager strength but I can't break free... then without warning the light go out and I'm in utter darkness. I scream and struggle against the uncomfortable straps and slip from the chair, a bloody scrape along my thigh, one foot can barely touch the floor. I don't think it was supposed to be like this... this... I would realize years later that this thing was made for an adult, of course. I just slipped out from the restraints on the seat.
Time passes... I cry and struggle until I just can't any more... I'm still not sitting right, my arms stretched out too much, crooked in the seat with one leg straight and the other out at the wrong angle. It's just... pain. And silence.... and utter dark...
Forever passes and I remember feeling, eventually, that I'm not alone in here... I can feel something in the dark. Something slithering around me. I feel it... hear it's awful breath.... it's awful heart beating (or is it mine?)
Again I scream and struggle but nobody... ever came.
---
Usually I wake about now... after only moments which feel like forever... but I get a glimpse of the manifest as they carry me, limp and trembling, from the chamber.
Subject A011. Baseline Deprivation Test: 11.788 hours. Equipment malfunction, test invalid. Schedule repeat procedure.Opening my dreams for a psychic to enter. (+2Dark)
(Rolled: 2d6+2. Rolls: 3, 4. Total: 9)
Ashlee,
The presence slowly faded in, Ashlee. You saw something in the corner of your vision. There, and gone when you turned your head. Everything else like it has been every dream. You hear a soft gasp of surprise when they pick you up and carry you.
That's when you see Mi Sun, slipping into focus. She's watching this with a look of absolute horror on her face. She moves after you as they carry you.
Where are they taking you? Do you ever reach that place, or does this start over again?
Usually I wake up... but I lived this. And Mi Sun's presence with me makes it last.
They carry me (I'm never sure who carries me, after the test it's hard to know what's real and what isn't) through a hall painted a clinical green back to my room. A small, spartan room not unlike one of our dorm rooms, but with less decoration, and one wall entirely of mirrored glass threaded through with some sort of carbon filament in a diamond-grid.
I'm placed on my bunk where I curl up against the wall... like I do. I'm nauseous, have to throw up but there's nothing. My vision's blurry and my mind clouded as I tremble and still fail to understand why my parents left me here.
Whoever it is must have noticed my injury, sighs in annoyance, and takes a moment to clean the dried blood from that scrape on my leg and apply some kind of press-on bandage.
Before long I'm left alone... but not really. They're watching through the glass, recording, observing. Wondering why I don't manifest any detectable signals... maybe my parents lied to get rid of a problem child. They're going to have to push harder. Figure out what really gets in my head. What really breaks me. It will take years.
And yeah, it'll all start again, this moment or another. The nightmares never end.
Ashlee,
What do you do?
Wait... she's here? Here in the lab? Mi Sun was calling to me all along. Was it her in the deprivation chamber? The attendant is still there, shaking her head... Mi Sun is here... there.... then?
I stir from the bed, where I'm curled up just as I am in her room... today. In my dream I'm just a small girl, but also I'm not... my mind is my own. Somewhere between, maybe.
"M...Mi Sun? No... you shouldn't see this!" I cry out, surprised to hear my voice as small as I sounded years ago. I curl up and hide my head, ashamed (why?) of being seen here. I didn't want her to see.... this.
Wake up... wake up... wake up Ashlee.... please just wake up.
Ashlee,
She's crying, too, struck by the misery here, horrified by your life. She had no idea.
Do you let her hold you?
My mind is confusion. Those feelings of being a child, alone, and just wanting someone to care are so strong in the fevered confusion of my nightmare.
I want to wake up... end this... but the lost child inside me years for someone to cry with, to cry for me.
I let her. Of course I do.
Ashlee,
Mi Sun holds you, Ashlee, fulfilling that ache, but the pain doesn't go away completely, does it? She tries to comfort you, speaking low, into your ear, "Ashlee, this is an awful place. I'm so so sorry." She rubs your back, "Listen... I can take you out of here. Dream you into somewhere nice. Like... a beach. Or sitting by a lake. Even with, uhm, with someone you like. Would you like that?"
I don't remember Mi Sun being so much taller than me. I'm confused about where we are, when we are. When she puts her arms around me I instinctively lean into her, curling into her arms.
I close my eyes and shudder with years of pent-up pain. It's a closeness I haven't felt in... well... I can't even remember when.
I barely hear her words.
I nod my head and through my cries I answer, "just... just get me out of here... anywhere! I never want to see this place again!"
Ashlee,
Mi Sun picks you up in her arms with surprising ease. In a moment, you feel a whoosh of something, like movement, the unsettling swish of your bowels during a hard gravity shift, something like that.
Then...
When you open your eyes, you're sitting on a mossy bank overlooking something unreal and beautiful.
You aren't alone, either. Ashlee, sitting beside you is Mark Larsen, shirtless, sitting there comfortably beside you. His eyes are on you, like you're the most amazing thing here, and he's smiling.
"Hi... Ash." he says softly, looking in your eyes with his beautiful blue ones. "It's okay now. You're safe. Everything's going to be alright. I promise."
What are you wearing, Ashlee? What do you do?
What?
Seriously. I don't even know how to react to this. Later I'll probably wonder about Mi Sun's function charts and test aptitudes and all that... but right now... I know it's a dream. Of course. But...
I still stare out at the beautiful... pink and lavender sky. I can feel wind on my face. Hear the birds... the uh... whales?
Wait is Mi Sun here?
I wouldn't think of my own clothes, that's just not something on my mind. Probably I'm wearing what I would be in life. Pants cut to the mid-calf, printed tee. Bare feet. Simple shipboard colors... pretty much all I've known.
It startles me when Mark speaks... dreams aren't usually so clear... but why... Mark? I stare at him, kind of agape and confused at the same time. Why the hell would Mark of all people find his way into my dream?
"I'm... uh..." the call of the whales distracts me, "yeah... you know.... this is beautiful... isn't it?"
I feel just as awkward as ever. Even more so maybe here in this not-unpleasant weirdness.
Why the hell Mark?
Mark nods, a twinkle in his eye. "Yes. It is." A gentle breeze comes, blowing his hair lazily, tickling the hair at your neck. "Do you feel better now? Calmer?" He reaches a hand up to brush your cheek, that smile still playing at his lips. "Would you rather.. Zeke be here?"
The little hairs on my neck tickle in the breeze and I stumble over my words, weirdly feeling my toes in the sand of the other-worldy beach we find ourselves on. I turn away slightly as he touches my cheek.
Zeke?
My eyes narrow a bit, "Mi Sun? Ok just..." I sigh and look out over the clouds, I'm not angry, really more impressed than anything. "Enough of this... it's you, right?" Realizing the dream somehow changes it, doesn't it? I'm sure I'm right... and that makes things... less real. I'm getting over my panic attack and my brain is starting to work again.
I reach up and take "his" hand by the wrist, gently, but firmly.
"It is you." I try to see through the dream. I know it's her... she's the only one I've heard call Ezekiel that name... and who else would be here.
I wonder. If we woke up right now would we be holding hands?
Mark looks down at his wrist, your hand. "Uh huh, it's me." The clouds stop moving, the wind dies. Mark's perfectly formed brows arch quizzically, "What's wrong? I thought you'd like this, Ashlee."
What do you do?
I sigh, relax my grip on her wrist.
"I don't need... this," I look out over the dreamscape, a melancholy little smile on my lips, "I don't know how you did this... it's amazing. But I don't want this... I don't want Mark... or... not Mark. Mi Sun... I'm sorry you had to see that... I didn't believe you could see... do... this much..."
I'm not staying here. Maybe she's horribly misjudged me... maybe she was trying, in some weird... unreality way, to make out with me... or maybe she was just trying her best. I hope that's it. I'll hold onto that.
I try to see through her mask, see her through Mark... I take both of her hands,"Mi Sun... come on. We gotta wake up."
Ashlee,
When you try to pierce the veil in a dream to see the truth behind, you're Gazing into the Abyss. Go ahead and roll with Dark.
Piercing the veil. (Dark+1)
(Rolled: 2d6+1. Rolls: 6, 4. Total: 11)
xp(4)
Choices:
My visions cure me (Of the condition creepy)
and
My visions show me what I must do.
My question is what can I do to keep Mi Sun from being weird about me. I just want a friend. (If there's anything I can do)
Ashlee,
You see through the skin of Mark, see the spirit of Mi Sun underneath. See her scars from the shattered glass of old mirrors that never showed her true self, the person she is now.
You see her brother turning away from her, refusing to see who she is now, who she always was.
Then you're above Mi Sun as she falls, falling forever without someone, anyone, to offer a hand. Lost and alone, she claws at anything close, nails digging into the pieces she can touch, desperate to find purchase.
Is that what she needs?
I hesitate, hopefully not a moment too long, before reaching out to catch her hand. "Mi Sun!" I call to her, try to catch her hand, catch her eyes.
She's not alone as long as I'm around... we've glimpsed eachother's secrets and shame... maybe this is something real.
I want to catch her, then wake up with her. Enough of this fantasy.
Ashlee,
You reach for her, Ashlee, through the haze of her semblance as Mark, past her insecurities, and grasp her wrist. The illusion fades, and you're suddenly awake. Seems like it, the same hum of the ship, and you're lying on Mi Sun's bunk, your hand holding her wrist as she sleeps beneath you.
She's awake, too, looking up at you with fearful eyes and that shame that you see more clearly than ever.
What do you do?
I slide closer and slip off of the bed onto the floor with her, keep hold of her hand.
"Some pretty gnarly stomm," I whisper, laying down on my side so we can look at each other. My eyes are red and I'm a little wet with sweat, "but it's all right... don't worry. You stayed with me in there... Mi Sun... I won't leave you alone." My voice almost cracks as speak quietly over the living hum of the ship.
I squeeze her hand, nod and smile a little melancholy smile that I hope comes across as supportive.
"Ok?"
She watches you in the dim light, her eyes picking up the ambient glow from the corridor outside that leaks around the edges of her door.
In a soft whisper, she asks, "Why were you... in that lab? You didn't look sick. Was it..." She taps her temple with a finger.
What do you do?
It hits me in my stomach, suddely feeling a little sick. A little dizzy... she did see too much. But... she doesn't seem afraid. Her eyes gleam in the meager light.
I sigh, can't quite keep my eyes on hers... shameful secret, right? My eyes follow her little gesture, which says so much.
"Uh..." I swallow, my mouth suddenly dry, "s... something like that... I wasn't sick."
Can I? Maybe.
"You know... it's not like they told me why..." I choke up a little with the emotion of finally talking to someone about this, "I guess... see what I can do. Figure out how to suppress me. I heard them use that word a lot... suppress."
I slip an arm up under my head and lay there on my side regarding her reaction.
"I thought... maybe you had a little touch of... it." I tap my head with my free hand like she did, "but wow... Mi Sun. More than a touch... you're lucky to be out here." I smile sadly and nod, a little puff of air escapes my nostrils. "Lucky you have Jace. Really."
I tilt my head a touch, nuzzling into my own crooked elbow. "It's a thing.... all right... well... just keep it quiet. There's still people in opsec who would probably be happy to..." I shudder to think of what they would actually do, instead I boil it down to basics, "to... poke you with a stick just to see what happens."
I try to joke about it, but it's real, "Mi Sun, I've been trying to hide... here with all of you. I'm not supposed to be here. But... sometimes it feels like they know exactly where I am... So why am I still here?"